Welcome to Seize the Day Podcast with Natalie Miller-Snell.
In today’s show I am joined by Seize the Competition winner, Author KJ. I am absolutely delighted KJ joined me on this show; she has an incredible story to tell, filled with hope and bravery. It’s inspiring, authentic, genuine and heart warming.
In the show we talk about the struggles KJ has faced in her life, the adversities she have overcome, the opportunities she has seized. There are many trigger topics, amongst others, we cover in this show, including:
- Suicide attempts
- Severe anxiety
- Manic depression
- Mental Health
- Bipolar condition
I thank KJ for her generosity sharing her story. If anyone identifies with any of the struggles KJ has faced, please contact your local doctor and / or reach out for profession help. I have added some links below for helplines.
I hope you enjoy the show.
INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT MENTIONED ON THE SHOW: Matt Haig
Suicide Helpline – list of worldwide numbers
KJ’S SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
Transcript for Today’s Show
Please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect.
you are listening to seize the day with Natalie Miller-Snell during these podcasts we’ll be exploring all of the different opportunities that we get to seize the day on a daily basis and what tools and what changes we can make in order to throughout those goals are you ready to make change hello hello hello podcast lovers how are you all it’s Thursday I’m Natalie and you are listening to seize the day now I did something crazy last year I held a competition for Caesar day first time doing it I had absolutely no idea how it was going to go and I’ve got some responses and I’ve got a winner I announced last oh in fact I’m nuts in January the winner of who would be joining you on the show and it is with my greatest pleasure to welcome on please put your hands together for KJ now whereabouts are you because it’s super late my diary is a nightmare at the moment I’ve just started a new job and KJ has been so accommodated I can only do this on a Saturday it’s early morning for me well I say early it’s 10:00 a.m. but what time is it for you it is currently 6 minutes past 9 o’clock at night oh I know I have a child that has hopefully gone to bed and a wife that has just given up and going off somewhere else thank you so much honestly absolutely amazing and now also KJ is that your pen name or is that just how you go by now or it is my pen name but surprisingly it has sort of leaked into my everyday life and there’s a number of people who call me that I am a relief teacher like I do teach and I I do have a proper full name for that and I because I’m really really not sure if they when they do the reference check that they want to find out the KJ meit’s lesbian fiction you know whatever whatever Girls Grammar School so yeah so I do try to make sure there’s a separation that’s absolutely brilliant and also for everyone listed they’ll recognize well they’ll know you anyway but recognise your accent and since you are nine hours ahead whereabouts are you where are you based oh I’m in Melbourne in Australia and we’re in the middle of daylight saving which means it is kind of light out light ish outside still I’ve got a blind behind me which makes it look like some type of cream green screen which makes it look really shocking you’re about to do some kind of prediction yeah an animated character or drift across the screen in the moment now I love daylight saving I must say we do it here too oh you know the long days are beautiful I love sunshine well you know like I think natural light it’s amazing it’s good for your soul good for you anyway okay so we’ve got loads to talk about I do want to mention to everybody as we go into this in terms of trigger topics we will be talking about suicide attempts and also mental health and depression so KJ has got an absolutely incredible story that she sent through and one of the reasons I didn’t talk about it on the show is because I didn’t want to steal your thunder I think in terms of what you’ve been through it’s wonderful to hear it from you and how you’ve come out the other side and it’s really incredible in terms of seizing the day and opportunities so you mentioned already you’re as a teacher so it’d be lovely how you got into that or and then obviously lead on to your story so I will leave it entirely over or hand it over to you and up to you to do that okay well I mean I’m not as teaching I’ve been teaching for 25 years I I went straight from high school to Union to teaching and didn’t pass go didn’t collect in two dollars and I literally just that’s what I did and that’s all I hadn’t knew how to do and so I did that job in my career and I loved it and absolutely love teaching but I had to seize the day on March the 3rd in 2019 and that’s a really weird day in the Australian Curriculum Australian school calendar because that’s only four weeks into turn one and so it’s a really odd time to sort of say well no I’m sorry I can’t I can’t do this anymore it’s because I couldn’t I couldn’t cope anymore but it wasn’t because I couldn’t cope Jim I just couldn’t cope with my brain anymore and it got to the point where I had to choose my career or I had to choose my life and I chose to live and that was a massive decision clearly but it was one of those ones that you come across sometimes in life and you go okay that’s that’s a seize the day moment if there ever is one and I and I thought okay I need to leave this job and I can’t I can’t do this job anymore because I’m it’s not the job that’s that’s making me very unwell clearly that I need to stop doing the job to find out what is making me unwell and so I didn’t I had to leave it and one of the things that I I I did at the time was start writing I’m not one of these writers that sort of popped out of the room with a pencil and said look at me I’m a drama writer I’m really not I did I sort of drifted through 2018 without a job and wrote random notes to my wife and poetry that were shopping lists and poetry which is weird and just just weird stuff just I just didn’t know I was really really at sea and I think I needed to I need to work backwards with this because last year I for the very first novel I published learning to swim and that novel I actually had in my head since the end of 2016 and that novel is great it’s a novel it’s done all right but it’s polarizing if people ever hate it or love it I really really do they do and it’s because it’s about having to love yourself and having to choose to be who you are with no with no consideration literally for anybody else you have to look after yourself and it’s about mental health and I wrote it with a lot of personal input but it was good I’m glad I did that because it really helped a lot but that wasn’t the first 2016 was them effective the first issue I had 2016 right in the middle of a great teaching year another great teaching year I was hospitalized due to a complete psychotic break with accompanying suicide attempt attempts let’s make that a plural and actually there’s a link as a link on my Twitter account my home page I went to her account of an essay that I wrote to describe that situation and what it’s like to go into a you know the psychiatric ward and all its the stuff it’s pretty heavy stuff but it’s KJ writing so you know it’s sort of I find which in the weighty yeah you had almost humor to push through a new anchor side of it now I understand that I do and I tend to do that a lot actually and here anybody who needs my social media posts sees that and I guess that’s the only way I write sometimes they only write anything really heavy and really meaningful people are waiting for the cash like where’s the cash you know there isn’t one I actually came right you know so yeah anyway so I went 2016 I had this major issue and I went into hospital and after poking and prodding for a while they found out that I have bipolar disorder and severe anxiety which is a wonderful combination that does massive massive things to your head it’s one of this like what can I get them okay you are so afraid of any potential catastrophe that you you are worried that if you breathing correctly that something will go wrong right and so therefore you in a state of paralysis all the time and coupled with bipolar so merry Christmas to me yes I I can’t but I’m glad I’m actually I’m actually glad I found out that because it explained so so much because I found that out when I was 44 so it explained 434 let’s go the 30 explained 30 years of why stuff had happened what earth I was doing that you know let’s say 24 or what I was doing at 27 know why I know if I did that at 35 there’s a number of things that have done in my life and I think yeah okay that explains a lot I’m having their diagnosis so I was I was happy to have that diagnosis anyway but so I popped out of hospital went oh goodness me I’m fixed thank you so much and I yeah yeah and I went back to full-time teaching which was this most stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life yeah say when I read that when you sent me that through and forgive me for interrupting and forgive me listening this one no it’s good I just think wow but I suppose it’s a natural thing or how are you what you back into it oh absolutely right I wanted to I wanted to do that you know and I knew that I knew how to teach and I knew how to how to do that no competition that thank you very much and I was good and I debuted me some medication so I was KJ the broken person the drugs it was fantastic yay my sadhaks teaching and of course it was it was dreadful that I knew I knew that not the medication and not the hospitalization but I knew who rescued me that time which was my life and so what I did in the January because we get December January holidays in the January of 2017 I wrote a novella for her about these two characters called Joe and ham and lovely little novella novella it’s and I I did it for her and as I said to her I’d always write her a book and then a four novellas the count for a book but anyway I think it’d be different but it’s basic SMAS ok but the problem was and Joe and Hannah the friends who know us picked it straight away Joe and Hannah is my wife and I all the events that happen in it as well very true to life which is highly embarrassing now to everybody who has read home and now knows exactly what it is that my wife thing I get up to but anyway I wrote that in three weeks and that sounds ridiculous and it was because I wrote that and i bipolar high and my medication was not working and so by Poul the highs are amazing the awful shocking I do not recommend anyone having bipolar high you get everything done so fast it’s the most incredible thing you can get you can get you you’re like one of those sped up toys you sleep for two hours a night you speak like you’re calling a horse race you generally behave like one of those classic crazy people that mothers pull small children away from so it’s just it’s not fun it’s like it’s like being in a hot air balloon without the capacity to lower yourself so you just jump off yeah that’s the only analogy I can think of and it’s a dreadful feeling so I write that book in through its have you seen the program homeland I have a true representation would you say in terms of how carries that’s my only as well as because when she’s got that kind of bipolar high in there in the program yep yeah by polarizer and some of them it one’s different but some people can actually have kind of a disconnect with reality so you get so you get almost like a only an idea that if you don’t do something very quickly then the thing won’t happen so you speed up but you’re already so going so fast that it’s it’s it’s so incredibly and you do you crash there’s about the problem with a bipolar high which is brilliant is the fact that you crash and that’s why they it’s that up and down up and down I like you know the medications good I I thoroughly recommend bipolar medication yeah good stuff no it’s my heart because you know listening to what you’ve just said so far in terms of how your life’s going along and also being able to reflect back into your 30s as to why things happened it makes it’s since you’ve had the diagnosis to actually then be able to not so much treat it but maybe just help you get by by being able to moderate I suppose perhaps how it’s working because it’s not you know you’re still a fantastic individual you’re it’s so smart and so you know so lovely that it’s not about she wanted to change it’s just moderating how things are I suppose but it’s very pleased it’s there I really think that’s fantastic thank you yeah I just one of the things that I had to learn was that bipolar was not who I was who I am all those cool things like I like to think that I I’m kind and nice and generally funny and instead of all these sort of nice things but I bipolar is a thing that I have if not it’s not it’s not who defines me yeah doesn’t define me and I take a long time to come to that point and that’s the thing because I went into 2017 after the 2016 falling apart dreadful you know he diagnosis and everything riding home in three weeks I went into 2017 feeling completely cured it’s amazing what we tell ourselves isn’t it well I managed to get through the year with an absolute saint of a teaching Kohner I don’t know she’s she’s one of my gorgeous friends and she just decided that she was going to carry me all through the year she knew I told her straight up but I I started to unravel all the way through 2017 and then we hit in Australia we had this thing called the marriage of quality postal survey it happened in a coma November December of that 2017 it was the most incredibly vile experience for anyone Korea in in Australia because what it was is for anyone who doesn’t doesn’t know all of Australia was given a were given a thorn to fill in with a yes or no box that’s it just yes or no saying do you think that the marriage laws should be changed to allow same-sex couples to be married yes or no everybody in Australia got that and were able to fill it in put it in an envelope and put it in a box so everybody in Australia got that right and it was appalling we we have it at the time we had oh you know it’s six seven year old kid who would collect the mail every afternoons that was what you do when you’re six and seven I’d love to do that yeah and we had to get him to not collect mail each afternoon because of the dreadful disgusting propaganda that was coming through the mail about how his family was dreadful and he was getting stuff at school about it anyway so it was awful when I was going to work on public transport and it was awful and I know I’m being diagnosed with PTSD because of it and it was I hope there are great tracts of time in that three months so I have no recollection things happen yeah just walk through it and it was just so awful and there are so in the mental health right and calls to like mental health awareness Corp places like lifeline which is in Australian help line went up 41 percent during that time so so am I so it was all awful and then I started 2018 yeah yeah yeah I’m fine and I lasted four weeks and that was a psychotic break with suicide attempts again and and I can say those now at the time at the time I was not able to say that to anyone but I say it now because I want other people to know that a suicide attempt is not a giving up it’s it’s a place where you get to in your heads that you think it’s the only logical solution to something I don’t like the word committing because it sounds like as a crime I like the fact that when people say oh but says the cry for help that’s yes yes it is well done so I just I have now become someone who says it now without without cringing and without sort of looking sideways all or having that screw from that all right the aren’t the eyes slide from that person that you’re talking to yeah so that’s that’s really that was I had to do that so anyway so I loved my left my beloved career and I had to stop and be a writer successful you’ve got amazing books if I may I just want to touch on what you’ve just said there’s so many words I’ve written down here brave being the biggest one that I’ve circled in an exclamation mark squares around it the Full Monty it’s truly I mean the mere fact that you’ve got something you’ve written about it it’s on your Twitter feed and on your blog and I’m sure lots of people to read it to understand if they haven’t already yeah understanding your journey and I you know what you’ve offered the listener me for us to understand you a bit more but just generally how this does affect so many people is admirable and so brave there are so many people in the world to get to really dark places and don’t know what to do with it or how to get out of that place it’s more and more common you know social media unfortunately doesn’t help in that sense although it has got much loads of positivity in terms of having a community but I understand where you’re coming from when you say you don’t know or didn’t know where to go with it it’s incredibly brave and admirable that you’re talking about this I think you’re wonderful I’d only have to see that you’ve got and anyone who had the good fortune to speak to KJ or see KJ we’ll probably will say exactly the same thing you’ve got an amazing face and eyes and everything in uni you glow and I’m excited for you to carry on now with this story to explain where you’re at and how writing has really transformed your life from home to you know learning to swim and all of that good stuff and how really it’s your seize the day moment well it is it ended up being yeah III as I said I I resigned at 2018 wandered around along and instead of 2018 what on earth am I going to do I can have no idea have no actual discernible skills and see you know all I can do is write report cards and I’ve been coming to creative a’those so what can I do and and I had learning to swim in my head you know I thought I can I can write that it’ll be okay it’ll be a novel and it might work it might not so I ripped it out of my head shoved it on paper and write no 75,000 words about it and it sat there and people read it and I’ve had I had some people tell me my social media that it was so good for them to actually read something that felt like it resonated with them and I I really got I really got emotional about that because it was only meant to be for me writing has was never meant to be ever learning to swim coming home the latest one the new one coming out kick back all of those they’re all meant to be for me to help me and keep me here but the fact that there’s someone and a couple people who bother to write to me and say hey you know what that was actually a really good book and thank you so much and I really found what you want what you said by your characters really quite powerful and I really I kind of like I couldn’t speak for about five minutes after that and I showed my wife and said look this random place and Mary Carol said this about my book and I was blown away you know and that’s again I’ve written that down here as well USA your books do they actually help others and I’m certain they will because it’s courageous what you’re doing being able to reflect on your own experiences and for you it’s cathartic for you is healing for you it’s what you need to do but actually being brave about it and be an open and honest helps and others because I think there are so many people in the world who feel alone and and that’s what actually one very good positive thing about the likes of Instagram now and the several accounts out there and I think it’s is it a chap called Matt Hague yes yes yes yeah mazing absolutely book I haven’t what to get actually is it good yeah yes really it’s it’s literally written as if he’s collected a whole pile of Twitter feed and just shoved it into a book it’s really cool really oh okay I should definitely but he’s amazing because much like you he’s he’s been there yeah you know and now I’m coming back from it and actually a humorous does he celebrate himself he talks about it’s part of his journey and it didn’t hurt his his his anxiety he can write I can talks about anxiety and with the bipolar being controlled medically for me that’s great yeah I’m happy with that I get at week tipping and then in fact after learning to swim came out I was hospitalized again but it was not awful and I and I my wife calls it getting a grease and oil change just really really lovely and great yeah I don’t even want to know what she thinks happens in this okay light okay yeah an analogy oh I call it I call it like I’m a laptop you know here press sort of old control delete it’s sort of reset yeah I’m that’s what I’m doing I’m going back into hospital and I’m having an old control delete moment and I’m getting reset and I’m actually okay with that because they they look at me and sort of with that sideways look that psychiatrists have it look at you and they and they answer your question with a question and all that sort of stuff it goes on him and you go okay you know what I’m really not coping and here’s a thing that I’m not coping with and they focus on that and then they move on and it’s actually really good so I I do that so yeah after learning to swim came out I haven’t again and then it was like another is it possible to have a number of Caesar days totals I think that if I said absolutely you can have loads of them and it’s how yeah it’s how you’re moving forward from them so yes totally so please continue sorry no I just wanted to know because I I’m obviously you know when I resigned in 2019 that was completely huge Caesar day but I think I had another one coming out of hospital after lunes went because I wrote coming home and it was it was what I wrote it probably helped people who aren’t writers think authors sit and do they drink coffee they type a thousand million words and they go oh isn’t that wonderful when they finish in two days so it was it was it was so easy it was it was it’s the smoothest book it’s the loveliest book that’s the character of Sam and the character of a beer and lovely and I wrote grace the other the kid character based on my son and and kids that I taught because it was easy to yeah I mean I heard of this and you know career to draw on so yeah and it was it was a loveliest book to write and I think it comes across like that of how come my mind was because I was able to write a card book and so again it wasn’t for anybody else it just happens to be that people like it but it wasn’t for anyone else it for me to see it could I could I have come out of hospital and spent three and a half months writing a book and be in a place where I could actually write such a nice book because my brain was settled the answer to that is yes and that’s incredible honestly you’re incredible ah it warms my heart I cannot begin to tell you and I’m so chuffed g-going contact I’m so after you run this because your evolution shall we say yeah identifying that me forward you’re helping yourself as well because you’re recognizing situations and we might touch I’ve just had a thought normally I ask folk at the end of these shows you know advice for other listeners I’ve got a slightly different one now I’m going to ask you to bear with me and but yet you’re evolving almost and you’re learning and you’re growing and your point about you right the boots it’s not for anybody else it’s for you when you look at a lot of people in the world musicians for example a lot of what they’re putting out is personal anecdotes it’s personal stories and that’s why it resonates with people and that’s why people enjoy and that’s why people can identify because actually there’s so much that a lot of us don’t talk about but you hear something that’s going on with somebody else you think I actually do you know what I’m not alone and and it helps you move forward so it’s wonderful so let’s just very quickly talking about your boots cuz I do want to celebrate you and I mentioned before we came on air I said to Kay Jane it’s important to celebrate because I think your story is phenomenal and how you’ve seized the day but also let’s talk about because you’re on the other side while you’re on the other side and you’re moving forward each book is different each book how I make sure that there’s I check in with myself this weird but I get it and I’m gonna get back yeah you know fly kja lines but I’m checking in myself I love your do you do humor this is very good I can see the deflection with the humor I understand that in coming home there’s some I actually think the one I’m writing right now is been off from coming home following the journey of Kath who is Sam’s best friend and I’m looking forward to that because she has a very snarky sense of humor and no filter whatsoever so I’m looking forward to be on surviving her but yeah I do put humour and that’s the thing my humor was odd odd in learn to swim it really was been in coming home yeah I said let’s go for it took the you know the gloves off and off we went and it’s there and it’s great and I was able to do that and I think I I think every time I have a low or I do something and and again let’s get a bit so serious with the suicide things that hasn’t been there for a number of years and it’s because I’ve found writing because my son my wife and my heir but writing keeps me alive I get that and can it is it almost that you could recognize situations now as well for what they are and you maybe have coping mechanisms that you’re able to write I’m going to go write this down yeah I have to write things that I write down I obviously they’re not things for the book or any description because that’d be a bit sort of you know depressing but I I write and I I talk and I’m and I have a medical team with me that that I can ring which is really good and I think it’s important to recognize that you know not to be freaked out or whatever that of you know current terminology is in a sort of you know woohoo about having a psychiatrist or psychologist or counselor or a therapist I mean goodness someone I was a TV show I was watching billion years ago a character said everyone’s got a therapist so I which was a flippant sort of statement but they’re two guns and and it was made to be quite quite a sliver condescending statement but I think it’s talking to somebody who is not a family member or a friend is a really important thing because otherwise he too close to that person I could talk to my wife about stuff and she gets really upset because I’m telling her dig you know that stuff and she gets really upset to hear it she doesn’t want me to not tell her but she also wants me to tell someone else yeah that is actually really great advice and really it’s something very important you are quite right the importance of talking is it’s absolutely invaluable because we do as a human species and some folk will be able to you know close it down better than others or have or have tools in place where they can actually adapt it within their own mind but we all do blow things up massively in our head and we interpret things in a particular way or whatever talking rationalizes it it instantly you know is it a rational comment that we’ve got and I had I would be in Prague matic about things and having somebody independent to do that I mean goodness I’ve been to therapy and I I don’t wish to talk about myself because this is all about you but I there’s a lot of people that you know experience that and do that and you’re quite right it shouldn’t be too mu it’s great to talk it truly is and well you are a bright light in that sense in terms of why it’s good to do in to recognize it and move forward and I think you’re quite an inspiration thank you very incredible I just yeah I’m here and I’m doing my thing and I’m writing and I’m talking to other people on social media about this stuff and I’m and I’m making piano I know I’ve always done this but it socially it is great where you can sort of say just someone give them a compliment where you can say a nice thing to someone and I’ve always kind of done that but it’s nice to interact with people in it and I’ve makes you feel sort of connected I think in this in particularly weirdly enough in a very disconnected world so when you in with someone with anxiety who thinks that the whole world is falling apart miss catastrophizing which is what I do you know I might I might take the wrong step forward and therefore the house will fall down and I mean that’s just how ridiculous it is but that’s how my brain works so for when I’m writing I it’s such a really powerful thing for me to do to be able to construct a novel from thought random scribble on a piece of paper to 90 something thousand words in whatever period of time is really really good and I like to think that that’s a really big deal for someone with a massive anxiety because otherwise I wouldn’t type anything absolutely honestly it’s fantastic I think it’s really wonderful and that’s your release that’s your release valve that your coping mechanism in this absolutely fantastic and I love watching your social media read in what you post incredibly eloquent so lovely and really valuable yeah it’s really nice seeing you on your online so now I think great Larry Larry love it thank you for being an awesome listen and supporting tilt the channel that brings you all the podcasts you want to hear we’re listening to talked find more podcasts on the Lisbon talk-show calm so you have some fun questions yes I’m nervous about these I just want to say um one of I leave you early um you with something that I heard which is you need to move outside your comfort zone when your comfort zone becomes uncomfortable oh wow yeah that’s a double whammy yeah yeah that for everybody again please okay so you need to move outside your comfort zone when your comfort zone becomes uncomfortable if your comfort zone is where you are always but it’s now very uncomfortable to be there move it’s almost a reverse way of looking at it absolutely someone liking who hasn’t anxiety you’re not going to move outside of our comfort zone it’s literally you need a passport to get outside of our comfort zone no way so if it becomes very uncomfortable then it forces us out yes yeah I would I would on the show I would always talk about moving yourself into out of a comfort zone into an uncomfortable zone in order to move forward you need to progress however Masset hopefully way of looking at it and I love it because you’re talking about when you’re in a moment within what’s normally a safe space but actually you’re it’s horrible yeah you’ve got to move out of that yeah like that a lot yeah don’t feel free to steal I’m gonna quote that no no I should quote you and I’ll pop that out okay this goes out yeah which are being a few guys wonderful okay let’s do some front presses yes please let’s do this they’re really they’re all really good harmful in here whatsoever then when I’m dealing with someone with very high anxiety we’ve got the Edit for sending what’s your favorite film the a lot of the Rings collection of okay yeah you know I love those two actually and I went to see them in my 30s no twenties or thirties not sure and then I think that’s like certificate 12 or something but in your mind that scared me to death some of those been really quiet you know yeah I’m a massive advocate for and I’m Thomas on this a massive advocate thought read the book first the in-service on yeah I’m just it’s just a thing but if that is probably the only film that I can actually say that you can watch the film and not have to read the book because tokens is so Oh hard work sometimes and they were able to do that on film with the the heaviness of the moment on film without having to read the words gotcha okay no it’s very good very I mean beautifully said that was all that was no that was New Zealand also sets down your way did they film it in New Zealand I will climb Italians do that a lot we’ve learned a lot of New Zealand things ok what was your first car oh it was a blue Toyota Corolla which was basically a box 1984 car that’s not how old I am I would have only been 12 but it’s how old the car was and I’m not that old but it was I had to drive it when I in Queensland where I was living you you get sent North Queen you get sent to anywhere in Queensland the government just says go and teach wherever and they put you in a school in the middle of nowhere so I got had to go and teach in Mackay which from the Gold Coast is about I don’t know 16 and a half hour drive and it’s over you’ve got kind rain drink them cane train that we came cutting yeah you put them with the cane train tracks around all over all the major roads so I put some rally shocks on the car I had them in stores there’s a little sort of Toyota Corolla box with these bright yellow rally shocks underneath it it looks ridiculous you know there’s people who put those huge spoilers on tiny little cars I was so proud of that country six point six win strings in that Khamenei yeah Wow so you’re driving on you come in yeah yeah I know because now you drive behind huge trucks oh okay fine I love that that’s really gorgeous okay guilty pleasure what’d it do you have a guilty pleasure I’m vacillate between sweet and savory and if I’m going to have something that’s sweet it’s dark chocolate and those people who say oh who are you people and what is wrong with you I’m so sorry so I’m gonna have like a whole row because I do exactly the same thing last night we’ve got 70% cocoa chocolate in the fridge and I like it when it’s crunchy satisfying and yeah I tried to do that I’m just gonna have one piece no no this doesn’t work it does not work they’re not real people I’m convinced of it feel like they’re like BOTS that imaginary websites yes no I definitely add more than one piece okay now this is right this is a good question and you might want to veto it which is fine do you have a favorite author yeah yeah you’re laughing at my face yeah okay look no I’m not answering that yeah that’s good okay and that’s exactly you’re right I love that okay this is Leslie these are my go-to questions what was the last or what is the last image on your camera photo stream on your phone oh okay that’s smile he’s gonna say that it’s a massive burger he’s thrilled with himself it’s amazing gorgeous yeah gorgeous that’s a lovely photo sorry everyone see that but it’s a great picture hamburger eating so we would yeah and that was what that was my son who’s the edges he’s gorgeous he’s gorgeous and most user-mode the happy smiley one yeah um yeah I let me actually confirm that I think I need to confirm that yes it’s followed by the laughter with tears running down got it always smile this has been honestly heartwarming I found myself well up sometimes I’ll be on it no no no a really really really fantastic way truly I’ve loved this show thank you so much for entering and coming on it’s been brilliant now I always click and I mentioned earlier you know asking for advice for listeners in order for them to seize the day but I’d like to I’d like to jazz it up a bit with you in the sense that do I do this – what would you say to anybody who is perhaps struggling a little bit in their mind or however not happen perhaps how you felt kind of vice brought you to give to somebody who wants to seize the day but isn’t sure lacking confidence but also they feel a little bit of angst inside them it’s okay to be afraid of yourself but if you are afraid of yourself then you don’t know how not afraid people are of you so for example I was completely always still I’m afraid of myself but I’ve discovered that people aren’t afraid of what I can do so I I I tend to try and not be afraid of myself but I know that they exist so I don’t apologize for it but I try to say okay but people aren’t going to be afraid of me yeah beggar that is absolutely beautiful and I revert back to the beginning and what I mentioned in terms of trigger for anybody listening it’s important to speak to somebody it’s important to seek help as well you know reach out to somebody if you are in a you know what we would call a dark place or if you’re unsure if you’re feeling if you’re struggling inside reach out to somebody yeah absolutely which is incredibly difficult to do now you’d have just it’s it’s really hard to do because where you are at that point you’re inside an onion but where the rings are really dark and you can’t see outside and people are on the outside of that onion going hey we’re okay but you can’t see them so it’s really quite tricky I think sometimes it helps if someone says something if you if someone says hey I’m really struggling pay attention to that don’t don’t you know I go yeah you know life’s tough you know suck it up because kind of that could actually be something really important that is invaluable absolutely an invaluable comment because it’s just made me think particularly online as well and when we interact with people and you know friends and whatnot I believe and it’s something actually I heard somebody else say once as well we have a responsibility to make sure that we are checking in or on people but also being aware because we often know deep down if somebody’s struggling but we might not necessarily want to get involved or we don’t you know that they can get on with it and deal but actually as it’s about being kind isn’t it it’s about recognising and just reaching out checking some check-in somebody’s okay send it a nice message you know a virtual hug physical hug if you’re close to somebody going to have coffee a lot of things aren’t imported apart from our own well-being more often than not and it’s about that human connection sometimes they can help you is about I look at I look at the way if you know if somebody was on a walking dinner footpath and then twisted their ankle or something in there fell over you go over and you say are you okay I just look at having a really depressed moment a really newly shocking day is twisting your mind and so some way if you’re looking like you need a bit of a hand then do the same thing as if you can tearfully got someone who’s just twitted twisted their ankle on the footpath to say yeah exactly the same thing but I just yeah say hi okay yeah let’s go get coffee yeah but that’s okay because at least you then they know like then five minutes oh no they might go well okay that was nice and that’s all that’s needed sometimes and you’ve seen them yeah yeah you’ve been seeing wonderful absolutely fantastic where can everybody find you online – you have websites Twitter I do well you know how much I love social media I am everywhere I am on Twitter as property of KJ that by the way I think it’s brilliant a little bit of a message in that one there’s Facebook as KJ mystic which is the same as Instagram mm-hmm where else am i oh I do have a website but I can’t remember what it is so we talk offline and I’ll put it in the show notes than you know I remember what it nothing on except blurbs of books which I throw all over Twitter anyway anyway um yeah and and the next one kickback is out on March 1 Wow four or five weeks away yeah and I how incredible everybody get out and buy and if and buy the rest of your books if you haven’t already and I’m quite happy to say that out loud that’s fine so thank you crack on absolutely and I’m gonna you know I wouldn’t know what rednecks it’s going to be one of yours that’s for sure definitely ray coming home it’s nothing is yeah rig rig down coming home ok I should do that yeah I didn’t have one’s read so that’s the what I’m gonna do now this has been utterly incredible I’m so chuffed for a myriad of reasons that this has happened it’s most of my heart I think you’re wonderful your bravery your honesty and where you’re at now is admirable it’s been wonderful thank you so much for coming on thank you and loved it good and thank you everyone for listening take care look after yourself keep well you have been listening to seize the day that Natalie Venice now all contact information can be found in the shownotes together with any links to websites I may have referred to in the show if you’ve enjoyed this podcast please come and talk to us at the tilt talk show chat group on Facebook or follow tilt on Twitter you can also contact me directly on email which is Natalie now at gmail.com thank you thank you thank you