Marriage, Rights, and the Political Climate

On this episode of Coffee Break With KA & Dana they talk about Marriage, Rights, and the Political Climate

As LGBT, we battled for the right to marry, convinced that given the opportunity our marriages would be strong. And when that decision came down, we floated on a cloud of euphoria. In this episode, KA’s wife, Kay, stands in for Dana, discussing:

  • Marriage
  • LGBT and WOMEN’s Rights
  • Political Climate

KA is an author of lesbian fiction with degrees in counseling, psychology, and social work. As KA Moll, she writes stories about lesbians, burdened by past trauma, who find healing in the love of a soul mate. As Cade Brogan, she writes thrillers.

Dana is an avid reader, a recovering alcoholic, a fisher-woman, and a graduate of the school of hard knocks.

As co-hosts, they’re quite the duo. Connect with them online at

TODAY’S CO-HOST: KA’s wife, Kay. She’s a retired school psychologist who enjoys beta reading for KA, watching CNN, reading history, presidential biographies, and mysteries, and doing crossword puzzles.

Music in this episode (Lucky Way) is licensed for use in various multimedia applications by Melody Loops.

Listen to this episode here


please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect

[Music] welcome to coffee break with KA and Dana were brought to you by the lesbian talk show I’m KA a lesbian romance author and in my past life a counsellor and a social worker and I’m Dana an avid reader coffee connoisseur recovering alcoholic and a graduate of the school of hard knocks grab a cup of coffee pull up a chair and join us for a meaningful conversation from a lesbian perspective we battled for the right to marry convinced that given the opportunity our marriages would be strong and when that decision came down we floated on a cloud of euphoria in this episode KA’s wife Kay stands in for Dana discussing the topic of marriage and the political climate join us for a meaningful conversation alright so this is a different kind of show because it is KA and Dana without Dana. Dana took a little break this week she’s having some internet issues but she’ll be back next week and standing in for her I am so excited she’s my wife Kay and then we just talked a little bit so marriage we did that yeah we did didn’t we hi hi go down it feels like it feels like it in a way it came out of nowhere we’d already done the civil union and our supreme court was considering a case that would allow us to marry in the United States and we were watching on TV and [Music] is almost surreal in a way when the vote came down with the bearing and I mean like within an hour I have a scheduled and we were we had plans to go elope but because I don’t know I would come along for a little while so we took a little road trip to Iowa they were already on board so marriage we fought hard for marriage in this country and now we’ve got it sorry I’m happy but I’m very happy I wouldn’t dare say I wasn’t no no if you said you weren’t I probably had a bit outnumbered I I’m incredibly happy so is it – and and is a different than you thought it was coming well we’ve been together for 25 years before we got married so it day to day it doesn’t seem too much different so it’s just as well if we hadn’t known that no only just doesn’t feel different on a day to day basis so it’s the same give me a hardware to go I am so so it’s the same it feels the same as it did before we got married is that what you said no okay but it’s such a gradual change you just didn’t happen immediately like you said I do and I said absolutely and it didn’t happen immediately I thought about them in my heart I said I do a long time ago well I did I did too that wasn’t my question I’m trying to okay out of it so we worked really hard to get this up thing called marriage legal standpoint it was very good you know all of a sudden we have marriage just like everybody else will not being discriminated we that in that way yeah and you know yeah the legal securities of marriage there dozen of benefits oh yeah definitely tax benefits – yeah I might add there there there are there are definite benefits to being married and I’m going there but first I’m going with the feelings then feeling different that’s what you just said I think I felt all those feelings for you and with you before okay I just don’t put more protections on the outside okay so marriages and in review gonna I’m gonna give me a hard time here but I feel the exact same way marriage is more about protection protecting yourself protecting your relationship protecting your assets keeping a few more of your assets with tax write-off mhm marriage all of those things I like and it’s more about protection a little bit it’s more about but it protection then it is about loan how do you because you wouldn’t do that unless you really feel any different who sent me them I think it might have made a difference if I don’t live in looking for a couple of years and then we got married it wouldn’t really been more aggressive but after you’ve been with Zoe for 25 years you feel like you’re married – yeah also and feelings level it didn’t change that but it changed the fact that we are now officially little is actually more than 25 at that point because we’re 33 years now yeah and that was six years ago I took a little more but 25 is a nice round number 27 you know round okay okay so so they’re they’re definite different benefits too much so so we worked hard for it do we always think to other folks to like different than straight folks because we fought so hard for it and we were determined to have it and do we is it is it different for us do we only think our community to make our marriage is strong and show anybody that they’re as good as anybody else’s or is it all done is like I would like to our community I’m not too sure in terms of terms of where need to be thankful for the people who fought for us to do but I think what we can do is – there are many other issues that we still have we were working on and I think it’s up to us to continue working on those issues so we do so you think we do have responsibility kind of those role models yeah married role models and other role models I mean we have a game man running for president of the United States I mean that’s that’s really low itself and you know I wish them well and we have gay folk and lesbians and in Congress and as a gay woman no wait we behave speaks for the we’re for everyone else too for all other gay women and if we if we are a good role model or a good role model for them we are shielded in the straight community but we’re not that much different than anyone else is that we’re we’re good you know and respect us for we all right I think we all from that standpoint how long do you think it’ll take us to actually prove ourselves because that’s what that is that’s proving ourselves in a way I’m thinking less about proving ourselves to the to the straight community than I am being an example or other gay women ok ok good role models good married 33 year together role models to others who and and we should be role models to young that are coming up that’s true whether you’re gay or straight and and it’s great people maybe not consciously but when they look at us they think them but we are our behavior and a person that we are is a reflection of the gay community and when they see us as good people they see our community as you do okay hardest thing to adjust to – with after marriage the hardest thing to adjust to it will weigh you know anything you just – and all this came natural well we live together from 25 years 27 years I mean I don’t know I I felt like I belong with you mm-hm and I didn’t I didn’t I don’t know I didn’t did you him yeah yeah just know I’m just asking I’m just asking I have the microphone in front of you or can ask you whatever question it’s asking me put me on the spot right I am a little bit a member so today’s political climate what do you think about today’s political climate in terms of us I’m scared to death in general and but maybe especially for us and worse than you were the day that I thought you know he was gonna win yes but you thought he was gonna wear that she didn’t that’s what it all began when it all began you know I think a lot of people were right with norm at a lot of our community they were scared so you’re more scared today than you were then I feel what she curating but I’m worried about our country and I’m and that’s the major issue but our status of the women trees within the country if you have someone who doesn’t like us it has lots of power and it’s a scarier situation for you yeah and focus on other parts of the world like aunt Vera folks we have a good compared to men and we’re certainly doing our part to stir things up around the world with our current political climate so you know much more about the situation outside in the United States than I do in terms of how our community is treated what rights we get I really have almost no knowledge about that but I mean we have countries where it’s it’s perfectly fine to sentence a gay person to death for being gay yeah we have places in this world the things that’s fun and banded that really yeah we have places in this world that round gay people up maybe don’t sentence them to death but we have dangerous places in this world so from that standpoint I look at I look at the United States so I think ma’am it’s worse than it was maybe certainly we don’t feel as good as we did the day that we got the right to marry in terms of being safe and accepted and we just had this rainbows and unicorns moment at that point but we’ve got we’ve got it better than some and then I suppose there are places in the world where it’s they have it better than we do in terms of acceptance of LGBT community well if you look back 30 years 20 years we are way better off than we were in oh yeah yeah and I know that one conversation we have I mean your fight was the fight in the United States your fight was the fight for women’s rights yes and you’re still passionate about that fight my fight is more for gay rights how much work invested in gay rights and that’s because we have a little age difference and by the time I became an adult well I have rights as a woman yeah the woman’s place was very much differently 1970 that are working 1990 and today yes it’s Genesis it’s really or if it’s a woman’s think to but I think the little thing is I am evolved into the v2 movement yes and in a way you have a revival of that women’s rights move what music yet there’s still work to be done in women’s right to anything right so we’ve never talked about that are you kind of all into that me to movement are you kind of all into it one definition with Eddie to worry I’ve never I’ve never experienced a lot of those things personally okay but you are definitely you still have passion about the women’s rights movement get you talking about that and it’s a passionate topic yes do you feel that same passion for the me to movement I think women had a long way to go yet – just like gay people do and we have to keep working on it seems like those in power always have to have someone under their thumb that piece is it that’s why they’re in power really I mean but but I thought there must be a rule with powerful people that you have to either if you’re you know white male you gotta have all the females under your thumb and and all the females of color under your thumb and maybe the males of color under your thumb you gotta have somebody under your thumb if you’re in power what do you think about it other companies in the world and currently in Germany have a woman leader we have never yet had a woman as president well maybe maybe this next round what do you think I think he’s time yeah you were pretty sure I’m the last one though we also a lot of other people we were all disappointed I guessed wrong yeah you can’t you can’t predict I mean you can’t predict what’s gonna happen and you can’t predict how the public’s gonna react to both and then when when you know others that are fear in your life election process I mean there’s just it’s easy to feel powerless in this situation I think we were overconfident and because of the overconfidence our country got read down the wrong path here I think you’re right about that you’ve been listening to coffee break with KA and Dana meaningful conversations from a lesbian perspective were brought to you by the lesbian talk-show listen to us on pot bean and iTunes follow us on Twitter like us on Facebook until next week be kind to one another or car and watch amazing things happening in your corner of the world [Music]