In today’s episode of Coffee Break KA and Dana ask – Do You Believe In Soul Mates?
Coffee Break With KA & Dana: Meaningful Conversations From A Lesbian Perspective
Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe that somewhere there’s a person who makes you whole? If you ran into her at a coffee shop or on the street would you know her? Would you have the courage to put yourself out there—to risk it all for love? In this episode KA and Dana discuss:
- soul mates
- KA’s books — Soul Mates and For A Moment’s Indiscretion
KA is an author of lesbian fiction with degrees in counseling, psychology, and social work. She writes stories about lesbians, burdened by past trauma, who find healing in the love of a soul mate.
Dana is an avid reader, a recovering alcoholic, a fisher-woman, and a graduate of the school of hard knocks.
As co-hosts, they’re quite the duo. Connect with them online at www.kamoll.com
please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect
[Music] welcome to coffee break with KA and Dana were brought to you by the lesbian talk show I’m KA a lesbian romance author and in my past life counsellor and a social worker and I’m Dana an avid reader coffee connoisseur recovering alcoholic and a graduate of the school of hard knocks we have a cup of coffee pull up a chair join us for a meaningful conversation from a lesbian perspective [Music] alright hey we are talking about one of my favourite topics today and I want to read you something okay do you believe in soulmates do you believe that somewhere there’s a person who makes you whole if you ran into each other at a coffee shop or on the street would you know her would you have the courage to put yourself out there to risk it all for love you know what that comes from that comes from your book soulmates yeah that’s the opening paragraph of the blurb okay so I just thought I’d start with that because it seemed like a good question it seemed like the place to start and you know we’ve talked about soulmates before and how we differ in our belief I don’t believe that we get just one soulmate or that there’s that one person out there that completes us period period so in this whole you universe you don’t think there’s another person who is I don’t know just kind of that perfect match for you has strengths where you have weakness kind of likes what you like most at the time just that match you don’t think in the whole universe there’s one match I think we get people in our lives that help us learn whatever it is we’re supposed to learn and maybe completes us but I just don’t believe that there’s just that one perfect person out there that that where you’re weak she’s strong where she’s weak you’re strong I just think that you know you find somebody who likes your weirdness and maybe completes you some ways but not always and you guys just make a commitment that you’re gonna make it work no matter what okay well yeah no I don’t believe it’s always perfect with soulmates so I can I can go there that you have a soulmate and you stumble on hard times oh I wrote a book about that didn’t I several well no no no I broke one just about that for a moment of the expression right marriage on hard times I believe soulmates can have hard times sometimes so what makes us all mate a soulmate then I mean if they come if they complete you in every aspect of your being or however you want to think about it what makes it different than what I just said somebody comes into your life and you like the same things and you have the same morals and values and and you love that person but that doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate alright so okay so I have to ask another question so okay see we might just be using a different term to describe it so let’s test this so that person who you like the same things you kind of enjoy each other and you make a commitment can you see your life without her can you see going on without her no okay and if you by some unfortunate circumstance had to go on without her would you feel complete ever again I don’t know I’ve never had been in that situation so I don’t know how to answer that because right I still have my wife okay so that sounds like you would be open to the possibility of another good match um I don’t know I I don’t know but I think that people come into our law I believe that people come into our lives to help us learn whatever it is we’re supposed to we’re supposed to learn from this person you can’t and you couldn’t answer the question because you can’t say that you can’t say it you can’t say that you could go on without it I think if something happened to my wife I don’t think that I would I wouldn’t be looking for another match I just I just don’t think I would I kind of like you know the downtime the this the the me time she might not be your soulmate with an argument that you want some me time no I just I wouldn’t be looking for if something happened to her I wouldn’t be looking for another relationship because you’d like me time whoa sound like an ass I think I think you just don’t like that like the idea that somehow fate is I’m guessing here I’m thinking that maybe what you don’t like it’s the idea that somehow fate has dealt you this person and if you find them that’s it she’s yours now that sentence I could probably agree with but I just I don’t believe we’re given one true soulmate in our lifetime okay so I don’t go along with the one part maybe I mean I I suppose I could go along with not given one if I if I went with the idea that there was a runner up out there somewhere I can’t even a vision of world without Kay Wendy and I are together because we’ve made the commitment to stay together because we’ve you know we’ve had some rough times and when we both just looked at each other and like we’re done but we made a commitment and we both honor that commitment and I can’t imagine a life without Wendy in it either but if something happened to her I wouldn’t go out and look for my other my next victim I see see we’re not so far off you just don’t like the word you just don’t like the word possibly gosh I tied the book with a word you don’t like I wonder how many other people don’t like the concept soul mate good see to me that’s like oh that’s like a sweet spot so what if you go through your life and you never find your soul mate oh I’ll see I don’t believe I mean I’d have to believe that there wasn’t a God to believe that I’d have to believe I didn’t my belief system would have to go way out there because I don’t believe the universe God whatever it is that you believe in I don’t believe that it sets out to torture you to know less less in one lifetime I don’t believe the universe sets out God sets out to leave you unfulfilled I don’t oh so I really do I mean what I wrote in that first paragraph I mean I phrased it in a question but I truly believe it I know you do yeah I mean and we’ve discussed it before about having a soul mate and maybe it is just the verbage that I get hung up on I do I believe people come in and out of our lives to teach us things why do we that and they may or may not be a soul mate I mean and I believe that you can have very significant people in your life who may not be a soul mate if so I describe them but they are there for a purpose and you need them and they need you and as long as that continues you know they stay and you stay and I believe that you know and and and I believe that that Wendy and I are in each other’s lives well most the time I believe we’re in each other’s lives because nobody put up with either one of us if we moved on but you know she teaches me and I teach her and and and we have made a commitment to do that great did you just hear yourself yes because no one else would and I mean like there’s this one person out there the only one who would put up a few like no other here let me add that to my blur it’s gonna be all splish you and she listens to this you know I just it’s just the verbage that I get hung up on because I just don’t believe that there’s one soulmate for every person I just and maybe I found my soulmate you know in Wendy you win all of the arguments yeah you are but I just one nut for my bolt okay so if if I okay so if I change that up and add thee that there’s one person if I take that one that there’s a person who makes you whole if you ran into her at a coffee shop on the street would you know her have the courage to put yourself out there to take the chance for love is there a person well there’s probably a person but I where I stand right now if when do you if something happened to Wendy I don’t think I would put myself back out there to ask them out or to you know I just don’t think I put myself out there again see I was gonna take us down the path of alright so maybe there are runners up well maybe that is maybe that’s the answer but see I believe that if you have me I believe that once once you find someone who fulfills you why in the world would you look for another companionship well they fulfill you they fulfill that right but okay okay the listeners I think maybe the listeners know I’ve won this I’m gonna I’m gonna do I didn’t even know we were going to the hot seat thing today but this has been kind of fun yeah alright so let’s flip that let’s flip let’s flip the coin okay so do you do you think that that there might be some or more than that there might be some who are hung up on perfection and have the idea that suck to find your soulmate means you find that a perfect match that by and by finding that perfect match it means they don’t have any faults that there won’t be those rocky times the times you look at each other and say no more and because of that maybe move on do you I mean like I I wonder that I wonder if that might not be true for some folks if sometimes people give up expecting that there’s we’re gonna be a rocky road I would agree with that and life’s just not made that way but you know I just read an article where there was a guy and he married who he thought was the perfect person got bored found somebody new left his wife and then only to realize that his wife was his was his person [Music] and you know I think that that’s something that is wrong with our modern society is people give up too soon yes yes I mean I really think so I think that speaks to to what’s going on in in our society maybe maybe not in all cultures but in but in ours in the United States I think I think we want things to be pursue see sometime easy and and perfect and and sometimes your mash might not might be as close as you’re ever get gonna get the perfect right but you give up so soon and and you and you give up because I don’t know and in in the she compute completes you makes you whole there’s a dimple on one side of the orange or something right and and you’re looking for that orange without a dimple and and you give up and you you know you give up on what was darn good in every other way I think we do that yeah really I wish we didn’t do that and that’s why I wrote for a moment’s indiscretion that’s it and I in a nutshell right is to speak to that to put in the work well it to keep a relationship going yeah I just read a statistic where half of the marriages in the United States and in divorce yeah that just that that shocked me yeah I mean that’s that’s just sad i-i’ll be really interested and I haven’t seen stats and and they probably exist but I’ll be I’d be very interested to see what the stats are for the LGBT community now yes with with now that we have marriage and we’ve had it for a while my gut feeling is that if you want something long enough and it’s denied you that you might work a little harder treasure it just a little bit more but that’s just that’s just my god I don’t know how those statistics pan out it’d be interesting to look that up and yes it wasn’t bring it back it would I think that would be very interesting because like you said we were denied for so long and I love the fact that we have marriage now but we have it for the the generation older than us that have been fighting for it and who have been living through it for so long I’m glad that they have the opportunity to get married to their quote unquote soul mate yeah and and you know see I don’t equate marriage with soulmates I think there may be times people marry someone because they’re infatuated or I don’t know she completes you at all but not all the way I don’t know yeah I I believe sometimes we get married maybe for the wrong reasons and then you might find yourself matched with someone who does not make you all true and and but there again it goes back to what was that person supposed to teach her them you know what what what what life lesson are you getting in that first marriage or second marriage your third marriage or whatever it is see now I can I can buy that I can buy into that and I can buy into you might go a lifetime or almost a lifetime before you run across your soulmate because of unfortunate circumstance I don’t believe in unfortunate circumstance I believe or or because you needed or because you had lessons to lessons to learn before you met that person yeah see I could buy that so I guess we’re not surprised where we are not as far apart on this as we thought we were yeah whatever and on that note good discussion my friend absolutely as always you’ve been listening to coffee break with Kay and Dana meaningful conversations from a lesbian perspective we’re brought to you about the lesbian talk show like us on facebook follow us on twitter check out our website WWE and until next week be kind to one another work hard and watch amazing things happen in your corner of the world [Music] English (auto-generated)