Join Tamara and Sheena as they talk about Dating These 7 Different Types Of Lesbians in this episode of Les Talk About It.
Les Talk About It Episode: 5 of 12 of the Dating Season
Listen to this episode here:
In this episode – dating tips for the:
- Lipstick Lesbian / High Femme
- Butch / Stud / Diesel Dyke
- Chapstick / Soft Butch / Stem Lesbian
- The Power Lesbian or Alpha Lesbian
- The Baby Dyke / Newly out
- The Pillow Queen / Princess
- The Vegan / Hippy / Artist / Indie Lesbian
Les Talk About It Series: Dating
Dating is not just a fun exploration of yourself and your partner but it is an important step in your life. In this series we break down lesbian dating and talk about it.
Transcript for Today’s Show
Please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect.
welcome to les talk about it I’m Sheena and I’m Tamera and you’re listening to the dating season the season focuses on woman loving women dating what it means how to go about it and all your questions answered so sit back relax and enjoy this podcast tomorrow did you know that there are only about seven categories in which most lesbians fit Wow a whole 7 I know it makes me feel so super special no yeah I hate stereotypes but I think for the sake of dating advice I think it’s actually serves as well especially for newbies because it helps you to understand different types of woman and it helps you to identify core likes dislikes in a very kind of easy to navigate way absolutely and we have to be fair we’ve grouped a couple of different strata stereotypes to make it a little easier for us to get through this list otherwise we’d just be right I mean there are just so many categories with subcategories where you’re just like really splitting hairs well let’s get started in with probably one of the more famous of categories which is the lipstick lesbian femme or – you know I’ve never actually heard of a – before think fame but more extra high heels like Louboutin so this is the thing about these ladies is they love to look good to be well presented to the world and they typically look very fashionable and well put together all the time so super polished super polished yes so if you’re dating one of these lovely ladies give them an opportunity to look great take them somewhere where dressing up is expected mm-hmm so like you know don’t take them out to a sporting event necessarily take them out a place where they can showcase their makeup artistry their love of fashion exactly even if you do take them to a sporting event be prepared for the fact that they’re going to take an hour to get ready before you leave mm-hmm and don’t roll your eyes if they pitch up in high heels absolutely because whatever they wear they’ll look gorgeous they will and I mean I think that is a very key point here is that probably they got you’re going to have an audience people are going to be looking and you’re going this probably going to be flirting even with you around absolutely these ladies are noticeable very noticeable but remember they’re with you so there’s no need to be jealous absolutely also it’s okay that they want to know about the Kardashians so don’t judge them for their ass even if you don’t find it interesting that’s okay let her love of gossip magazines and trashy TV shows be okay and don’t judge her for it no it’s super okay and remember just loving that kind of stuff doesn’t mean that you’re less intelligence it has nothing to do with your intelligence levels in factual gates lipstick lesbians that are very smart you’ll get ones that are not so smart and other ones okay just just don’t touch touchy for her life well that’s exactly the thing don’t assume that just because she’s pretty she’s done and don’t fall into the misogyny stick trap of believing that yeah you know there are a lot of people who don’t directly talk to beautiful woman they’ll talk to the person that she’s worth assuming she has nothing to say right so even if you find them super scary which I can completely understand why I mean they make your heart beat a little faster they make a palm switch these women earn the room talk to them they’re human beings okay so what’s the next country the next one is the butch stud or diesel Dyke so these are the more masculine presenting woman they love to be shrivel risk so give them an opportunity to showcase that chivalry let them open the door for you let them take you handle check let them take the dog for a walk those are the kinds of spaces were they comfortable doing the traditionally masculine things and I say that with air quotes because really it’s all just a construct anyway no it is and I think it’s also very important to remember that if you are dating someone who falls into this category that they’re not mean they do not want to be mean and don’t take the kindness and the chivalrous nature for granted and don’t be embarrassed about it will try to shy away from it it’s not about an inequality sort of thing it’s not them trying to dominate you it’s not them trying to they’re not trying to be mean they’re not trying to take on the dominant role necessarily they just want to be chivalrous in spaces where they feel comfortable mm-hmm be okay with the fact that she is masculine presenting all the time she will wear boxer shorts to bed she will never ever pick up an address not even to your sister’s wedding or to your own or to your own indeed she will wear a suit and tie don’t ask her to wear high heels don’t ask her to present feminine ly ever don’t put in the situation where she has to it’s not okay because that is not who she is I think it’s very important that while you’re got well while we’re going through these different categories is to remember that each one is very different and when you’re in a relationship with these people you need to be okay to be in a relationship with someone who identifies in their category if there is something about their category that makes you uncomfortable then maybe that’s not the right person to be with because you can’t expect that person to change the way they are whether that means them you know wearing a dress to a wedding when they would never want to wear a dress or them walking around in sneakers when they prefer high heels absolutely I think that’s that’s one of the themes that I was talking about the Drucker’s again and again is be okay with who these women are because the thing about lesbians is we’ve we very often don’t fall into the traditional heterosexual feminine sort of space we have our very own identities that we’re comfortable with so another thing about butchers or studs or diesel dykes is that they they live in a very different role to the to that feminine presenting woman they are often faced with day-to-day struggles and day-to-day occurrences of being harassed or bullied or even being put in dangerous situations as a feminine presenting lesbian you don’t get that I mean people usually shock to hear you’re a lesbian at all so you can move through the world very easily without sitive and I’ve being suspicion I hate that word but that’s that’s the thing so if you are with your more masculine presenting partner and she says to you she wants to leave a situation leave the situation don’t don’t second-guess her don’t ask her to explain on the spots she’s if she’s feeling vulnerable leave with her you can talk about it afterwards and don’t downplay her real-life struggles of the day-to-day life of a masculine presenting woman also let her take the lead often masculine presenting woman likes to take the lead in things like dancing in situations where you know you’re walking on an arm she’s still a person and there are gonna be times when she wants you to take the lead so just be aware of that don’t expect her to always do the heavy emotional lifting or the heavy period yes you know just be a way that this is a human being with different moods and feelings and not a butch robot she also may not be comfortable talking about her feelings especially when she’s feeling vulnerable masculine presenting woman often put on the facade of being strong because they’ve had to build up armor against the world which could be a very nasty world so I understand that she will struggle to open up sometimes but just be there when she needs to okay okay next we’re talking about chapstick soft butch or stim lesbians okay so does this have to do with like maths and science sort of so these lesbians fall some way between the butch and the film sort of scale if you like which is on the one hand and famous on the other end then chapstick soft bitches with stimulates bends fall somewhere in the middle these are women that don’t necessarily like wearing skirts and dresses though but they’ll sometimes we make up and they’ll sometimes be into fashion but generally pants and they like to look good but they weren’t generally wear makeup oh they’ll waste some makeup at Knot’s they went away like a full face of makeup but there might be like I don’t know eyeliner kind of a thing exactly okay right so they often also have very meticulous Hey okay and short well-cared-for nails always important when you’re lesbian so how is this different though from just being a butch besides lacking a little bit of makeup and being slightly more self-assured conscious the behaviors and feelings towards the world is not the same as that of a butch woman a masculine presenting woman has very particular roles she likes to take on the chapstick lesbians tend to be less masculine presenting in their feelings towards the world okay I don’t know if that makes sense tomboy so like I can still get by as a girl in the world but tomboy is a very accurate sort of space to put the and these people in general kind of understand that kind of personality type right so they don’t have nearly as much trouble as butch presenting lesbians okay okay here’s another difference another big difference between a masculine presenting woman and a chapstick lesbian yes okay the one is really good at up with power tools can rebuild your flow for you can you know put up walls the whole schpeel generally okay the other one cannot okay so speaking as a proud chapstick lesbian myself I can sort of vital by with DIY type projects but I cannot build a damn thing okay but they’re better with technology definitely so we have a penchant for reformatting your hard drive if need be or that kind of thing building a website and probably have like the latest gadget often yes okay so give your chapstick Lee has been a chance to shine okay we have love of being the heroes and saving the day we really do but especially if it’s within our wheelhouse so if you have a tech problem that needs solving let her do that for you it’s it’s not taking anything away from you but it makes her feel like the knight in shining armor and if you you know you’re there’s a lull in conversation you know maybe bringing up something take you we’ll help you know smooth that along absolutely when dating these lesbians don’t underestimate their brains even though they’ll often give the first impression of not being super well-read often lesbians are extremely smart woman in general there’s a lot going on underneath that well-groomed here thank you for being awesome listen and supporting thoughts the channel that brings you all the podcasts you want to hear Erin listening to talks find more podcasts on the lesbian talk show calm alright so number four on this fabulous list is the power lesbian or alpha lesbian this either sounds like something from the 80s or some kind of like anime character you know the Power Rangers or transformers hello UF no I can see where you said it I just think you’re amusing okay so here’s the thing about the power Lisbon oh the Alpha lesbian she is the woman in power suit she’s career-driven very focused on money likes to have the latest car nice house Beach holiday home looks good has a lot of swagger okay so it’s kind of got the love of the good life of the fame lesbian but with the sort of in control sort of thing of the butch yes actually that’s pretty accurate okay so understand that when you’re dating a power lesbian or alpha lesbian okay mm-hmm she’s going to want to be in charge a lot and make a lot of the decisions and she would have thoughts about the pros and cons of every scenario to death before even discussing it with you okay so would it be you know better for someone who likes to be a more chill and he doesn’t like making decisions probably you’ll probably get on much better I imagine if you have to power lesbians are alpha lesbians it would just be like well the rain of molten lava in that house okay when you’re going on a date give her the time she needs to get ready rocking those power suits takes prep time they like to be the alpha until they don’t so they will very often be okay with taking charge until maybe in the bedroom or maybe you know at night or maybe with the kids or whatever it is so she’ll have definite lines this is where her areas of expertise are and then she’ll expect her partner to take on other areas and be as as good at making decisions in those areas as she is in Hertz okay all right so you know being with a power lesbian isn’t for the faint of heart so you kind of need to know when to step back but when you need to dominate as well aren’t you glad you’re not involved in up with a power Lisbon I can see this is just not your cup of tea I’m just I’m I’m having a visceral reaction to this person it just it seems very high straits I don’t think so I think I just think they are who they are do you not I mean and that’s okay no sure it’s just not for me I’ll take my chapstick every day you know the funny thing is if anything is if we have a tikki problem you tend to be the one fixing this it depends because there’s certain things that you’re much better at so I think you just depends alright so when when dating a power alpha lesbian know that their careers really matter so they’re going to be working late they’re going to be working long hours and when they talk about they work they expect you to pay attention because their careers are first and foremost love in their lives so take a second ceasing you’re comfortable they enjoy the finer things in life so if you planning a day take them to a place where they can get excellent food and fancy wine mm-hmm look for the base of the base don’t absolutely yeah don’t compromise they also like cultural activities and like to have a broad scope of intellectual pursuits such as going to museums or chose if you’re not into culture if you’re not into that kind of thing maybe don’t get involved with someone like this because you’ll probably just find it frustrating or if the sun’s amazing these are the woman you need to be looking out for true final points about the power Lisbon Oh a lesbian because they have such high Drive they have a big drive okay they have a lot of swagger and they enjoy flirting so don’t be jealous okay so similar to let the fame like you know they’re going to be noticed yes but they will often do the pursuing so they will do the floating themselves whereas others will flirt with the films understand so they’ll so there are going to be much more active in the flirting and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything it’s just they just enjoy the chasing yes exactly okay the power right exactly okay there we go now you getting it okay I know I got it I’m just not so sure about these are legit woman like it’s fine no no no that’s the dress it’s just not for me but more power to you and control and roof I think power lesbians are great think bait from the l word you know I think bait wants to be a power lesbian but she’s just annoying I I’m getting the sense you just don’t like that kind of person moving right along number five is the baby Dyke or nearly out oh well think about the woman who come out in their forties or fifties same sort of stuff applies as a pace so these lesbians are just coming into their sexuality so give them the space they need to experiment and they full of insecurities about not being good enough or wondering if they’re weird so for example they may be insecure about going down on somebody and not feel like they could do it well enough or quite know how lesbian sex works exactly I think this is actually an incredibly important category to be mindful of because I mean it’s the beginning of their journey as a lesbian so it’s so formative so I think it’s very important to be supportive and if you’re not in that space and you don’t feel like you can be I don’t know someone sensei in this area like maybe don’t because you might it might be harmful to them that’s well that’s the thing right so be be gentle and be kind with these people because these people are going through a lot emotionally within themselves but also they’re probably still dealing with family dynamics that come from being newly out so be prepared to hey go while she cries all go with her to her family gatherings where the aim is just to hammer home the fact that she is in a lesbian in a relationship with the woman Oh having to deal with situations where she doesn’t want to introduce you as her girlfriend because she’s not ready to do that in a social situation right so there’s gonna be ups and downs in this space BET’s remember when you were a baby duck or newly out I think it’s something important also to keep in mind when with with this category is that new lesbians might also fall into a lot of the stereotypes of what a lesbian is as they trying on trying on being a lesbian so there might not be quite – they’re all going to be so there might be you know playing around with being a chapstick or being a butch but that’s not really them so you might actually you know be with someone who’s a bit of a chameleon and who keeps changing absolutely and it’s all part of the process of discovering who you actually are ultimately and being okay with yourself yes and that’s fine that’s a journey we all have to go through you it’ll be gentle and follow her lead if she’s ready to talk about your relationship and if she’s ready to be out with the world go forth if not maybe Project Li because it’s not healthy to be in the closets it really isn’t but don’t push her into anything she’s not ready for especially if it’s not safe for her keep that in mind too okay so number six is the pillow Queen sounds comfy okay so the most important thing about the pillow queen is to understand that she’s a pillow queen I think we need to expand on where to put Aquino’s because some people might not learn okay go ahead so a pure queen is a woman who likes to be taken care of so she wants you to take the lead she wants you to order dinner decide what she’s going to eat take the first step in every way the pillow queen is notorious for not reciprocating in in sexual activity mmmm okay but often that’ll extend to the rest of her life as well so she won’t necessarily want to pick up the check or order the the wine from the menu or do all of those things that you were just saying so here’s the thing about the pillow Queen don’t shame her there’s so many people who will shame woman who want to not take the lead embrace her identity and be the top she never even dreamed of you know I think there’s a fit for everyone and for certain people this is the right fit if you think of in straight relationships the trope of the damsel in distress and the Knights coming to save her it’s a very similar kind of thing so what it is distress but you need someone to help you constantly it’s similar so she enjoys being submissive so later at you in a Dom Kentucky see where this would work the pillow Queen works really well with the stone butch okay and the stone butch is a bush who doesn’t dream once reciprocation she wants to be giving in the bedroom yes a lot of other areas too absolutely so those two work really well together okay so our final point is the vegan hippie artist indeed lesbian so these are okay so this is the biggest like lesbian trope ever pretty much so the thing about the vegan or the hippie you of the artist to the Indian lesbian right so they will have a slightly different but they will have things in common artistry and globally important masses are important to them so if you’re dating one of these lovely ladies be okay with living a life based on the things she feels is important yeah they’re going they’re gonna have very strong feelings about certain things and those things are probably drivers in their lives so we all know the trope of a vegan and you know how do you know someone is vegan they’ll tell you so it’s gonna be something very similar so that’s they’re probably gonna be activists as well so be prepared for that and if you don’t share the same values it’s just not gonna work you need to have shared values in these relationships we’ll be okay with her values be okay with her wanting to go and oppose the patriarchy and March about using this pesticides and volunteering at an animal shelter I know completely it’s just that you know if you’re really into Big Macs and you’re with someone who’s a vegan that’s probably just not gonna work don’t judge her for new ideals and changing diets she is likely to have new ideas about crystals or about types of vitamin supplements so whatever the later Newton yeah so that kind of thing guys so they’re very intellect the cutting edge of like health trains yes yeah so if I would be into it before it really hits the mains stream right so that is your guide to dating the various different types of lesbians very very quick crash course and we have grouped a whole lot together and just done a kind of an overview every woman is different and unique and wonderful in her own lovely way but basically this boils down to get to know her for who she is and what’s important to her and be okay with that pretty much it’s nothing really good summary yes I must be a really good wife such a weird response to figure out why even connect ok that’s all for this episode you’re listening to news talk about it I’m Sheena and I’m Tamara and we’re wishing you luck on your next date absolutely got to knock your socks off if you enjoyed this podcast please make sure to raise five stars on Apple podcasts it helps other queer women find the show we love you and we appreciate it if you share this podcast with your friends we’d like to get as many people this name to this channel as possible and that not only means as we’re able to continue doing this but it means that we’re reaching out more people and making people more comfortable being out absolutely quick content is important help us make it and help us grow thank you for listening and we will see you next time bye bye