Bella Books author, EJ Noyes joins me on Sieze the Day. In today’s show, we discuss how Emily is overcoming fear by taking herself out of her comfort zone in her latest project, Reaping the Benefits, and how Emily drew on her own experiences when writing about PTSD. She also shares some great advice for anyone listening to ‘Seize the Day’.
And I ask the controversial question: skiiing or snowboarding?
I hope you enjoy the show!
Listen to this episode here.
NB: there are spoilers in this show about EJ Noyes book, Alone. We also make references to Ask Me Again.
Get these books on Amazon
Transcript for Today’s Show
Please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect.
you are listening to seize the day with Natalie Miller-Snell during these podcasts we’ll be exploring all of the different opportunities that we get to seize the day on a daily basis and what tools and what changes we can make in order to grab those goals are you ready to make change hello hello hello podcast lovers how are you all it’s Thursday I’m Natalie and you are listening to seize the day now I’m super excited today I have a guest on who is Knightley is she wonderful but she has written my favorite book so far this year in 2019 she’s awesome she has got so many GCLs golde titles under her belt she loves Vegemite more than Marmite ordinarily that might be a deal-breaker but she’s pretty cool please put your hands together for Emily noise now I normally go to say good morning typically every once in while the recent guests have been in America but it’s good evening it is I am a southern hemisphere girl and just for those who don’t know it is currently winter in the southern hemisphere although it’s probably bought Oh today’s lovely but it’s gonna say it’s not usually warmer than it is over here anyway although you’ve been having weather at the moment have you we have many bushfires and I came home from New Zealand negative temperatures – like mid low 30s so it seemed you skip spring already and going straight to summer and everything’s on fire so bless you so you are in Australia for everyone listening where are you recording from are you at home are you what can you see around you I miss the writer creativeness my work desk is immaculate and my actual you know day job but my desk it at home is just oh my god what can I say Xbox controller books fifty headphones cotton buds for my ears because here’s an omission I really itchy in a year so I’m constantly scratching them so here’s like this packet of cotton buds there’s a New Zealand one dollar coin I found of my last day it’s just a by Li pin it’s literally just like just crap string everywhere yeah it is organized chaos but it works well so and now in New Zealand a couple of times our you just back of holiday it’s amazing I just we were there for um why was there for 16 days and skied 12 of those and we spend it down the routeburn track which is a like a multi-day hike which was just fabulous and you know like I said I just drank far too much and ate even more and just skied constantly like it was basically like my my dream holiday but yeah back to work this week because I’ve never skeeved I must say I’ve never skied even ever skeeved I’ve never skeeved either but I have skied and I’ve only had one everybody what are you drinking Emily um I am drinking in honor of the drink that you bought me at GCLs 2018 a blue moon Oh cheers to that and I have just a chink my glass because I’m taking it out of a glass because I’m classy I love that and that’s how we met wasn’t it last year in GCLs it was well we met in person yes you know we we Twitter met before that but we did meet in person at G sales 2018 isn’t twitter a great place to meet it is so many fabulous people social media Hey social media is a crazy room that’s brilliant we’ve been threatening to do this for probably since we met well when I since I started at least anyway so it’s great that we’re finally doing it one of our well one of my listeners and one of your readers actually nudged a little the other day Doreen hello doing how are you hope you’re well hi Doreen so yeah we’re doing it right so now let’s talk about you everything there is to know or within limits but I just want to know about how it all started for you in the writing world and it is there a life before writing when and how did you get into it why and how you got published I do where do I start you can’t leave it open you’ve got ask me a specific question how did you start writing um on a computer so and I have said this before is I really was just bored and because I have such an active brain I just had an idea and I had sort of been bashing out a few little weird world of warcraft roleplay stories to continue the roleplay after you know you get together with friends in real play and then they all went on tumblr and they’re gone now so don’t anyone try to find them and it sort of just snowballed from there and I would just I just had an idea and it was just weird and I just thought you know why not not just that’s how a taste but it came to be a tea being asked Hill which I hate you know and I have said this before her I thought of the title myself and you know it’s it fits because I don’t a scent tell but I hate say I feel every time I say it a little piece of me does cringes a little bit it just feels really corny and weird so it’s a tea it’s an amazing story it’s really fantastic absolutely loved it and if you know the following as well ask me again oh my goodness really adored that book obviously not quite the same in terms of the content slightly more no no rougher for the characters and I mean definitely made me cry a lot but now it’s a query you can feel that though I think that’s that comes across and that’s probably why it’s quite authentic and certainly it resonates as well we all struggle with challenges and how did you research that actually I did do a little bit of research on PTSD and what I sort of found was at it sort of regardless of the the cause of the PTSD be it you know like from from a you know I mean in for lack of a better term you know like you know military incidents you know abuse trauma anything like that it’s just manifests in so many different ways so I just thought well how am I going to do that so what I sort of decided was that I would take something of my own experience with anxiety and that’s I mean if you sort of look at it as the route sort of cause of all Sabine’s everything that sort of happens during the way that she everything she experiences is because of anxiety so I’m not being in control how the relationship doesn’t quite feel right how she you know and all that sort of stuff so so from that perspective it was it was just a sort of a personal sort of like you know I’m just gonna base it on that and in a way I went and it was I think it really works because you can the characters I mean yeah yeah it was a really hard book to write it was hard because it’s you know they were my first girls you know yes my first year characters and you know I I originally only wrote it for myself and and to make them struggle so hard was was really difficult reflective of life I think so hanger so again there may be your first girls ask tell your first book then you went on to write I then wrote it was I don’t write the way the books are released aren’t necessarily the order in which I’ve written oh okay okay I wrote asked Hill and then I pretty much immediately started and asked me again but it was literally called sequel dealio why did you keep that I know like it’s so marketable [Laughter] and I literally wrote it because I missed them so much and and it it started with sort of directly after 80 and then Sabine got chuffed off to another deployment and they spent basically the whole book apart and she was falling apart and backward you know and I was like well this sucks what a what a crappy waiter you know so I sort of put it aside and while I’d been working that I had started working on turbulence which is the second book that was released with Bella so it sort of went from there and then AMA was always sort of in the background and then I started you know I finished turbulence I started working on gold and while I was working on gold I started on a loan which I shelved for quite some time because I just II was just a bit weird I know we should probably seek like okay or if you haven’t read AMA or if you’ve ever Eddie but if you I mean I love that person that goes online and I do I’m really bad I just like knowing stuff so yeah and what you know while I was working on that I’ve been working a bunch of other stuff so now I’ve forgive me I’ve not read turbulence that’s the one I need to pick up that’s alright I the sexy one right it’s I’m saying that it’s a little bit sexy it was just something I don’t need you know it just sort of ran it yeah I mean it is what it is and I do like it a lot but it is very just sort of you know it’s because that’s what it says on the phone yeah that’s exactly right I always know false advertising here yep yep can’t take me to consumer affairs your goatee winds are for ask me again and for gold yes that’s great a gold a gold ether gold I did chuckle over that already forgot and now that’s about ski and as well though so you bring your own knowledge expertise into that right I wouldn’t call it expertise I said we we learnt to ski as adults which is is rather tricky but and you know we haven’t done a lot of it but it’s something that I just absolutely love and literally my ideal job would just be skiing wait not like a ski instructor or a ski racer but literally just like someone pays me to ski all day every day which means I have to basically win lotto and pay myself to do that because anyway that’s ever gonna happen so I did need a bit of research for that one because I’m not an alpine ski racer despite what some may think actually you need to post videos of you going down I’ve just seen you on the ski lifts I think isn’t it Oh again just standing around and taking photos you know I love skiing I go so frequently here photos of everybody else my wife can attest to the fact that I do ski and that I talk about skiing all the time yeah I do well let’s talk about alone and now yes this is definite for everybody and I will put it in the show notes as well so anyone listening if you’ve not read the book it’s incredible you’ve got what I’m gonna say you’ve got to read it obviously you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to be but it is amazing but you do have to read it you do have to read it because I want to go skiing or listen to it read it or listen to it where did you listen yes yes yes you’ve got a good narrator for that one where did you come up with a concept for the book because it’s quite unusual it’s very it’s very involved in terms of well I mean it’s not too similar in that sense mentally to how us me again works is it’s very psychological loved every minute of it had me questioning my own sanity it’s fabulous so for everyone listening who hasn’t read the book maybe what’s the synopsis of the the story and how did how did you get it how did it come to you so the basic synopsis is we have a woman and she when we made a Celeste is about three and a bit years through a psychological study that she signed up for and the basic promisor is that she is completely isolated so she has no voices like no television or radio and nobody talking to her no faces so no pictures no photos nothing like that so she’s basically completely cut off from human interaction basically except for sort of like messaging like instant messaging to to make sure she’s okay and the basic promisor of it is just you know testing psychologically for mars missions or whatever you want to call it and she stumbles across well I’m not gonna she doesn’t stop she shoots her by accident big spoiler she shoots her only in the leg just a flesh wound it’s not bad and she shoots her because she her little sister who is dead told her to thinking it was a deer so Celeste had a pretty abusive upbringing from her drug-addicted mother and so in the absence of human interaction she’s basically hallucinating so people that she knows talked to her she can feel them touching her things like that so she’s having all sorts of sensory hallucinations so she shoots this hiker Olivia who she then brings into the habitat which causes all sorts of issues because she’s gonna get a whole lot of money at the end of this this study like half a million dollars if she sees out these four years and it sort of just goes from there is her questioning whether or not olivia is real and it’s and it sort of just goes from those who questioning your sanity and and how she learns to interact with this this this person when she hasn’t sort of seen anyone for a while so that’s the the basic synopsis perfect absolutely perfect and the whole experiment idea the whole being in art you know being in isolation like that being on your own how that would affect you how you mind would have in order to keep yourself company what you would need to do to maintain that level of sanity but then also be in question what’s real and what’s not real and having that external element bought into the compound to then see how she can adapt is really where did the concept come from originally I was just I wanted to write an antagonist to love a story and it just sort of started off as me thinking well you know what if you were forced to live in close quarters with someone for a long time and you know you hated them and then of course you need you learn to love them because that’s just what romance does to people and it just evolved from there to something what if it was just one person there and and it was for an extended period of time and you know someone showed up and how would you react to that and then of course I saw I think what sort of person would do that like why would you voluntarily isolate yourself and I mean money is a huge motivator but even with that amount of money and I think I’ve seen some discussions is everybody says even you know you couldn’t pay me like you couldn’t but for someone like Celeste who did have an abusive upbringing and sort of you know I think has always sort of gotten by financially as an adult but the lure of that and just that sort of there’s a lot that doesn’t make it into the books okay you know but that but that I have in my head and I sort of think like I’ve always just got this sense that she has always felt isolated even with you know these friends that she had you know real friends on the outside and and that she always sort of almost blames herself for the way her life sort of turned out I mean the only reason there any reason I gave her hallucinations was because I was writing and I was thinking this is really boring this is one person like she needs somebody to talk to so I’ll give us him I’ll give her some imaginary friends no no you know what her people she knows she can actually outward interaction with her exactly vironment yeah and I sort of have seen people say you know is it just you know manifest psyche is this and that and it’s interesting because people got really involved in and I was like I just wanted to write a really interesting book like I didn’t really think all that that deep into it and to me it is just I feel like the voices sort of came to her and gave her what she needed at the time whether it be encouragement from a friend or a sister or from mother that self flagellation aspect of of the guilt and and the self-loathing that I think comes from being a child from an early abuse sort of thing so so to me it is it’s all Celeste it’s it’s it’s just her finding a way to cope in and process the feelings that she’s having yeah whether or not you intended it it’s actually I think it’s an amazing vessel or you know a bit of reading material that can help you question your own mind in terms of how you process things or how you would deal with the same situation and what I loved about it was her self-discovery and how actually she grew as a person and a character coming out of the experiment as well and then what happened beyond that how she almost forgave herself you know I know that sounds very warped and weird because she had nothing to forgive herself for but and then forgave those around her almost that kind of collective growth if you like and and yeah I was I’ve managed to figure out who Olivia was as you should as you should and that’s intentional yep that’s me yes brilliant okay I mean we spoiled about him we just I think does anybody really good every night Olivia is I really questioned myself with the whole chess board when they’re on the table together and she looks back in the chessboard didn’t move and then I’m like oh no damn it really because I wondered at one point as well it’s Olivia I wasn’t sure if she was in a perhaps in a coma state or she totally regret state and Olivia was perhaps the voice she was hearing in terms of some sort of some sort of therapy or a counselor that’s yeah that’s what that would be good just a real person good the conclusion as well if you hadn’t done that I might have sworn at you yeah it was and I mean I think if you read the blurb it’s fairly obvious when that when Olivia turns up that she’s she’s part of the experiment and for those who sort of discovered who she was exactly with regards to previously being in sillas life within the experiment so I’m spoiling but not really spoiling yeah but but that’s what I really wanted I really wanted that and I wanted it for a number of reasons the biggest one is being a first person book and being stuck inside so let’s head the way we were and that immediacy of first-person present tense and as a reader being stuck in her head while the reader knows that olivia is involved but Celeste doesn’t and so having that sort of I want to say juxtaposition but it’s nine o’clock and I’ve had a few beers I know you mean yeah you know been having you know having those two things sort of clashing against one another and even writing it it was really hard because I’m like well I know what’s happening but Celeste does not know that the Livia’s involved in that Olivia’s part of the experiment I really wanted that and I wanted I mean I guess for lack of a better phrase I wanted that mindfuck for the reader to sort of because what a thing to be stuck inside someone’s head who’s completely clueless well you’re not so and on that how’s the feedback been about that point about the book generally because it has rules I mean I say rules I had a discussion just the other day about you know the less pick rules in terms of what one shouldn’t and should not put into books how’s the feedback been overwhelmingly positive and I knew it was a book I mean I say overwhelmingly positive but of course there’s some people that don’t like it because some people you know you can’t please everybody and I sort of always knew it was a book that people were either going to love or not and I knew the exact reasons that they weren’t going to like it which is basically been what it is is a sort of I mean one it I mean it is weird it’s intense it’s a little bit dark but you know it’s not I don’t think it’s dark it’s but it is intense yeah it makes you it is psychological yeah and and I knew the reasons that people wouldn’t like it was because they would see a power imbalance in that Olivia coming into the habitat where Celeste has been living is a manipulation of sorts without being a manipulation if that makes sense it can be seen that way yeah exactly right it can’t be perceived that way and I tried really really hard to show you know that Celeste consents to absolutely everything that happens between them because I write romance over sex and that her feelings were real but even as they’re real she sort of questioning them in the context of her own sanity and the whole time and habitat that’s it so and I knew that that would be the reason why people sort of found it a bit like and and trying to show that for Olivia that she was just in a really typical sort of situation like being in love with this woman for you know however many years and not being able to express that and then finally being able to come in and express that it is tricky but like I said to me obscene consentual all the way through but I mean it’s he has a power imbalance between Sabina Rebecca turbulences between a boss and employee and I like how a role plays oh my goodness will you will you ever write anything from Olivia’s point of view do you think was anyone asked you to they probably have like on Twitter and I’ve sort of gone yet that’s cool I mean I would I would really like to but the problem with that is I’m so busy with other projects and you know like I have a full-time job and you know like a bunch of stuff going on in my life coming up professionally and whatnot well that sounds really cryptic no I’m not having a baby you know when Olivia comes onto the compound and that hope scene that you described earlier Wow I would love to know what she was thinking and you know to me she didn’t expect that and I think what you’re really telling about it is the fact that Celeste never actually says I’m sorry I certainly shot you like it sort of alluded to but she never says I you know I thought you were you know what is it a deer or whatever it was that yeah I did you know she never actually says oh sorry I thought you were she just sort of goes you know you shouldn’t be here I’m sorry and to me that I think really kick starts the whole thing that I hoped where people would sort of go the fact that Olivia’s so accepting of it and never really sort of you know and and poor Celeste who just wants to be loved so much and wants to be needed that she sort of just you know it just goes along with it because she wants to believe it which I think it’s true yeah such a yeah I dare highly recommend it to anybody and everybody it’s a great story great book it’s right yeah it is I mean and the weird thing is is it’s it’s quite intense and even having written it and edited it many times I sort of it wasn’t at I’ll listen to it on audio I sort of it you know wrote this like really is it you know like I’m I’m generally insane me that asked me again like it’s it’s pretty you know it deals with some deep stuff and I’m generally pretty happy and I’m so oh my god like intense books I need to write about puppies off your books do you have a favorite and why I hate favorite questions because I’m always like but I will answer for you no that’s fine it’s don’t because I like you I do um I mean I’m gonna I’m gonna cop out a little bit and say I love them all and I love them all for different reasons I’m gonna give to it so I’m gonna say I love alone at the moment because and this is gonna sound so egotistical you I think it’s my cleverest book okay um and I think I like I really like a lot of the words in it and a lot of the the phrasing but I actually would have to say that my favorite book is one that I haven’t published it and I actually may never publish it’s called Lena it’s a historical fiction and it’s what I always I have this spreadsheet that’s got all my works in progress and it literally says this is my heart book in red in red and capitals and like underlined of Boldin’s it’s it’s so personally important to me that I’m I’m afraid to to publish it it’s first draft finished needs a nice work obviously as all books do but yeah it’s a historical fiction oh maybe maybe in a few years you might get the guts to publish it yeah yeah now what are you writing at the moment what actually sorry first up let’s talk about you’ve got a new release coming up I don’t know whose is it is actually have I so I have a new release in November if the shoe fits which if people liked asked Hill and ask me again they should love this one so it’s set in the same universe but it’s from Spain sister Yanis point of view so she she’s she’s good fun and she’s also a serial sort of mature and speedy router um and she sort of just went you know maybe there’s a reason maybe I can’t find a guy because you know the right person for me isn’t a guy so controversial yeah and it also came about because I really wanted to give people who love Sabine and and Rebecca um a really happy ending so in the background of that book spoiler alert is bridezilla Sabine and benevolent Beck doing the final sort of planning for their we call it a wedding and it is it’s a ceremony but I mean it’s completely just read it so that’s sort of going on in the background so they get their full happy ending and Yana gets one too so that in November um yeah the audio of turbulence is also out early November – oh wow is it same narrator yes okay I believe so yes you know hey guys here it is everyone please don’t know and now anyone that follows you on twitter will know you’ve been busy writing the story at the moment and it’s not in your comfortable first-person it’s it’s so far out of my comfort zone it’s practically unlike Pluto so that’s what you’re writing if you can if you’re able to divulge you know any parts of what it’s about but so please talk to me about the third person and are you still alive I’m writing a book and it’s what I’ve been thinking about for quite some time and it was just an idea I had and my best friend while we were hiking and I was like this is this is my life like let’s just sort of walking I was just thinking about I don’t even know what I was thinking about and I sort of turned to Rico how funny would it be if like one of deaths minions was like on earth and they were like this big high power you know CEO and and they sort of had to administer contracts they called their assistant and they were like you know here’s your death contract oh by the way can you make me a coffee and like how bizarre that would be like just to sort of like throw it on someone like that so we have Morgan who is I call her a model and she is technically immortal but only because death doesn’t allow her to die so the basic premise is before you die at some stage in your life you have to say and do like a little quiz II you know like on a scale of one to ten how how well did you do I think you know like I think racism is acceptable highly agree disagree you know you know those sort of really weird kind of quiz things to basically determine where you’ll get put in your afterlife so so Morgan is is head minion so she’s basically death right head woman death is also one of her exes which so they have a really interesting sort of relationship which is quite fun because you know death is actually just a really she’s a woman so you know because multitasking and then we have Jane Smith who is deliberately called Jane Smith because I just wanted her to be really really just just boring and plain who who works for Morgan and Morgan’s had a bit of a crush in her and vice versa blah blah blah so the time comes when Morgan’s filling in for the minion deaths minion who would normally be taking care of the Americas region and she has to administer this contract to Jane which of course then out her as one of deaths minions so everyone knows about them but Jane obviously didn’t know so it becomes this thing and Jane’s like well that’s really like what the hell and she decides that she’s not going to sign it and this Morgan helps her with her bucket list because you know she’s got unlimited resources so it sort of spires from there of them completing these things you know like going scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef on Heron Island which is a place I’ve been and I love visiting the Eiffel Tower expensive champagne taking her mother who she cares for and stuff like that so as they’re doing all these bucket list items they’re sort of falling in love but Morgan being like 700 years old or something I’m and she’s British so there you go I had to do a lot of research on that love it yeah she’s and she’s actually from down near Brighton so you know the running dude she’s she started the LGBT sea and having lived for so long yes so she’s had a woman who a mortal woman who she loved and and you know lost because people died and you know is basically that wonderful cliche of can’t open her heart to love again but of course she can because you know and I mean I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say that of course they’re gonna end up together because it’s a romance but how they get together and how they sort of moved past that issue it’s the fun stuff but yeah it is in third person and how are you finding that I hate it the the problem I mean if anyone’s read my stuff I mean you know that I write in first person pretty much exclusively yeah except for Lena my historical fiction which is part third pass first teaser teaser I got in this mindset the people don’t like first-person and they they don’t like not knowing what multiple characters are thinking and I sort of just got myself in this real estate and I thought I’m gonna write it in third person and then it it it grew from there and it became like a challenge like yep I’m going to do this I’m I’m going to write it and I’m you know I’m gonna see it through and the problem that I’m having with it is I mean technically it’s the writing is I mean the inverted comment it’s good like the story is okay like the sentence structures fine everything but I feel incredibly disconnected from the characters in a way that I’ve never felt before you know like writing and so in in in first person you’re right inside a character’s head in them and I’m sort of get almost to the point where you sort of experience the emotion as they’re doing it which is both a good and bad thing but this third person caper is hard it just feels it feels really distant I almost feel like I don’t know the characters which you know with a deadline of the start of next year and and you know like eighty four eighty six thousand words I think I’m up to now he’s a little it’s a little bit problematic so huge do you know what a fair play chief for doing that and you know it’s kind of if you’ve ever thought that and whether or not it’s been spoken about I don’t know online or whatever but the first person’s great I had don’t have an issue with it so I think it’s funny that I’m sure you speak to anybody else they say the same thing it’s actually quite enjoyable to get really inside somebody’s head it’s fantastic and if you’ve got the opportunity to flip sometimes in books where people go from character to character on the chapter basis that’s great or if you focus on one that’s equally fine as well it might surprise people to learn I don’t know when I’m reading books sometimes I don’t even notice whether or not it’s first or third if I’m into it except I write I don’t know what I mean I don’t I’d have to necessarily go and pick a book up too if someone was asking me I can’t tell you if it was first or third you know it’s the book it’s the content it’s the writing it’s the story so fair play true for trying and actually going ahead and doing that and seizing the day right there bringing it back to season the day giving you anxiety as well I mean you know Fair Play I can’t wait to me do I’m sure it’d be absolutely fantastic it’ll be okay I mean I’m like it will at least hit okay tin I mean I’m a perfectionist not and I want it I want it to be good so I’ve decided that what I’m going to do is I’m going to finish the book in third person I’m going to give it a quick sweep through and just see if I can just just deepen it a little bit and sort of see if I can just get a little bit more inside the characters heads which involves a lot of asides like you know I’m an idiot she thought you know for lack of a better yeah a little snippet and I’ll send it off to my best friend and and I’ll give it to wife Who am I what I call Alpharetta so they basically get to read up very quickly edited first draft and they tell me if they think the story works and I’m I said I’m something a bit of a deadline so the idea of changing the entire thing to first person is a bit daunting especially it is two characters chapter by chapter because I just I find I find writing two characters quite hard actually and and I did struggle with it in AMA which is why it went chapter by chapter because it just gives me more time to stick with them so it may be in third person I may just give myself like an impossible challenge and decide to change it all – first I don’t know but yeah you can’t see it I just have this overwhelming sort of sensation you know because the response to my other books has been you know over overall really positive and I just have this you know this annoying little niggly negative thing in my head that just says that this is the one that’s going to like bring it all down because it just doesn’t it doesn’t feel deep you know it doesn’t feel it doesn’t feel like my other ones which is a good and a bad thing it’s it’s bad for me who enjoys being in a character character’s head oh it’s good to sort of step outside of my comfort zone also I keep telling myself we need some positive mantras written up on a board doing read on a daily basis turning that leg into it – positive yeah couple of podcasts we listen yes I’ve got this wax I can do oh um I’m going to get a big piece of paper I’m going to write third person and I’m gonna draw a massive love huh yeah I okay I’ve got for some fun questions for you are you up for it I do okay I hope you have the same definition of fun do you sleep on the left or right side of your bed or which side do you sleep on now it’s a confusing question are we going as we’re lying in the bed or as we’re looking at the bed let’s do lying in the bed I’m in the left when we first started dating my bed was pushed up against the wall and because I get up to pee like 5000 times in the middle of night I had to be able to do that so that’s just sort of how that eventuated okay second question you are a gamer what is me because I don’t game so this is probably a question I’m a PC gamer so I play on my computer and mostly that’s because I saw a you know old like Commander Keen and old old PC games my mother actually got me into World of Warcraft which I actually I was really into raiding and I was running a guild which you know means absolutely nothing to anyone who doesn’t play it but when I started Karen this is a really interesting story they have no idea what it’s about but when I started writing I sort of had to I sort of had to give it up my current game obsession and I have almost 350 hours is actually Call of Duty World War two so it’s player versus player and this is I mean talking about my ghetto horrendous internet it’s really really hard because you know what I see like has already happened and they’re like and you did so I’m actually going to the u.s. in March and the people I’m going to see one of them is a Call of Duty World War 2 player so I’m gonna play on really good internet and see if I’m actually just a really crappy gamer or if it is my Internet see if I interest I really do suck or I can actually legitimately glare my internet yeah um and you know what’s funny is I like I need first-person games so and I can’t handle games where you’re looking at the character from behind as they move around I find it really disorienting I have to be like it has to be like my point of view so that maybe ties into my lover first-person I even hate third-person gaming you’re listening to the lesbian talk show the lesbians or choke on your hub of podcast information and now you’ve just come back from skiing you’re skiing lover do you ski or do you snowboard ski absolutely 100 Everson and we actually went with a friend to New Zealand I think is about 2007 it was just after my wife and I had gotten together 2000 said 2007 and we’re like so nobody so cool let’s just like just try snowboarding because skiing just looks like it’s for old people we spent the 3 we spent two days on the bunny slopes I have never experienced such excruciating ass pain in my entire life more time falling on my ass I did anything I couldn’t make turns I couldn’t do anything so after two days wife and I said this we’re going to skiing friends stayed snowboarding and we watched as they spent all their time on their ass picked up skiing and never looked back and the thing that they say is that snowboarding is incredibly hard to learn but easy to master we’re skiing is easy to learn but hard to master so yes no puddings the tool of devil and I absolutely hate it and when you’re skiing and a snowboarder who can’t see behind them rams into you it makes me want to whack them with this key we love all snowboarders and we love all Jane Smith’s as well hello everybody I’ve got two more questions for you finalized I asked these two to everybody so what was the last photo special what was the last photo you took on your photo stream on your phone let me have a look it’s a photo of my cat on my chest the day I came home from New Zealand because my wife is still on a scuba boat so the cat was ultra needy and it’s her doing she’s what we call bundling where they tuck their paws in sort of at the front yeah so this sort of like folded in and like this and and we actually rate the bundle like so I’ll get I’m gonna be like from my wife noticed be like nine point five bundle and she’s only ever had like two ten ten out of ten bundles when it’s really tight and symmetrical like a bundle so it’s just her her nose and her little paws and the buttons I’ve actually the shirt I’m wearing right now Kittery no don’t get me started on the cat’s ear tail just don’t for another five hours emojis what is your most used emoji probably that the red heart I do I say a lot it’s just a random thing like hey like I’m thinking of you and I’m too lazy to actually say it so and then that actually my last few ones are the heart that funny laughing one that’s like the the sort of you know less-than and greater-than eyes you know like we in the skier play cuz I was complaining that I was at skiing so like I was just sending random emojis yeah but the top one is the red heart yeah don’t tell anyone don’t tell anyone I have a reputation this has been amazing and now to the question final one seize the day theme we’re going to wrap this up with some advice from EJ noise for anyone who wants to go out and set out on their own or do something maybe write a book search you’re an author I don’t have anything out of their comfort zone what would you suggest they do in order to go and grab their goals or what kind of what kind of advice would you give them just saying you know get out and do it how you started with your books how you process that got your publisher um I think the biggest I suppose lesson I’ve learned through writing which which really carries over to my other day is to like my everyday life is isn’t learning to accept my own limitations emotional limitations you know things like I’m really I’m really bad at organization you know and and I pants on my novel so I don’t plan anything so so learning to work around those things and and learning to let go of things that aren’t beneficial to me like fear you know like fear fear of failure is huge when when you when you’re putting work out for people to read and to comment on and and to tell you how they feel about that so fear of failing or of producing work that’s not good or all that people might enjoy and and and learning to accept that some things I just can’t control you know and to a degree I would say to a degree more than like more than not I think I sort of have a handle on that but you know it’s sort of a it’s definitely a process when you’ve sort of held on to beliefs and and you know just the way that you conduct yourself for such a long time it is hard to change your whole thought process but now I think that’s that’s a great bit of advice actually focusing on yourself terms of how you see things how you react to things and conditioning just to let go of what you don’t need so you can move forward that’s exactly great bit of advice love it I did it on I give some advice me patting myself on the back right now I love this this conversations been brilliant indeed it has what a wonderful way to end the week yeah exactly thank you so much for joining me yes my pleasure thank you for having me I feel like I’m a you know 10 years old at a friend’s house thanks for letting me come around yeah come to sleepover and thanks everybody for listening take care look after yourself keep well you have been listening to seize the day that Natalie Venice now all contact information can be found in the shownotes together with any links to websites I may have referred to in the show if you’ve enjoyed this podcast then come talk to us at a lesbian talk show chat group on Facebook email us on podcast at the lesbian talk show comm or follow us on Twitter at lesbian talk show you can also join our community of patrons and geeks thank you thank you thank you [Music]