1 Easy Step to Become a Better Conversationalist

On this episode of Curves Welcome with Suzie Carr she talks about 1 Easy Step to Become a Better Conversationalist

On the surface, conversing may seem an easy thing to do. After all, we have conversations all the time, right? We go to work and we converse. We converse with our family and friends. We meet with new clients and converse. There are conversations going on all around us, all the time, yet many of those conversations are missing an important element. And, that crucial element is what I’m going to talk about in today’s episode.

Listen to this episode here

Tune in to learn:

  • How to take conversations to a better level
  • How to leave a person feeling understood and in good hands
  • How to have greater impact in your relationships

Grab a copy of The Pet Boutique, a lesbian romance novel 

https://curveswelcome.com/the-pet-boutique/

Transcript

please note this transcript has not been edited and is automatically generated meaning certain words will be incorrect

[Music] hey thanks for joining me today for this episode of curves welcome a podcast about facing and embracing the curves of life if this is your first time tuning in this is Suzie Carr recently I opened up a new business sunny bee productions where I help businesses share their story and engage with their clients and potential clients well part of the challenge for me has always been in feeling that I lack the negotiation power to actually persuade someone to do business with me I may have all the technical skills necessary to produce a beautiful video for someone but if I can’t get past the initial consultation call and compel that person to sign up for a service with me my business is going to fail I have been learning about this whole art of negotiation persuasion conversation thing through a lot of online courses that I’m taking right now in a program with Dean de Grassi today before I had a new client consultation scheduled I listened to one of his lectures about the art of listening in the consultation process it was a game changer and I’m going to share with you what he had to offer in terms of his insights and these insights will apply to your professional as well as personal relationships but first let’s take a step back and really look at this whole art of conversation on the surface conversing may seem an easy thing to do after all we have conversations all the time right we go to work and we converse we converse with our family and friends we meet with new clients in converse there are conversations going on all around us all the time yet many of those conversations are missing an important element the element is crucial in that element it’s the element of understanding what do I mean by this for a conversation to have meaning it requires that both parties feel understood on some level otherwise it becomes a one-way street nothing new is learned under such a context because one person is trying to get her point across while the other is feeling like a Wallflower just there to absorb everything that other person is saying and not be heard herself so the gist of a Deans lesson that I learned the other day is when entering into a conversation with anyone the best way to be understood is to understand what I mean by this is ask open-ended questions to seek to understand the other person and then as they answer close your mouth let them speak let them share their ideas their challenges their pain points their desires their fares their goals again this can be a professional or personal conversation that is taking place it all applies you ask the questions as a student would of a professor to learn from them when they share reiterate back to them what you think you understand by doing so the person feels understood that right there is the key to successful conversation leave the other person in a state of feeling understood and when they feel understood a beautiful synergy forms and now you are in a position to help them because you now understand what they need and what they want that is a total game changer for me so I prepped for that consultation with a potential client armed with this idea in mind I asked questions lots of questions to understand his need for a video what his current challenges are what he wishes he could accomplish and what he wants others to know after they watch his video our conversation lasted for about an hour and in that hour he revealed an enormous amount of feelings desires and needs by the time I finished asking my questions I knew how I could serve his business because I now understood him if I had spent that hour talking up all of my services and what I could do for his business and why I’m the right person yada yada yada that person would have left the conversation feeling sold to instead of understood that call ended on a positive note with him thanking me for listening and understanding his needs he felt like he was in great hands because of the questions that I asked I simply paid attention to him something I think many of us fail to do unknowingly as humans we are predisposed to want to be understood and so we go into conversations whether they are professional ones or personal ones with the intent of being understood by talking and talking and talking until we recognize some hint that the other person gets us but what if we approached it by turning the tables on that approach and going into that conversation as the one to understand not making it about us but about the other person I learned something that day on that consultation call the more I asked the more he revealed and the more he revealed the more opportunities I had to share my thoughts on his questions which was my way of being able to be understood in my own way you’re listening to the lesbian talk show the lesbians will choke on your hub of podcast information he was open to hearing what I had to say and follow-up to his answers of my questions because I was still focusing on his needs when a person feels relaxed and in good hands they will listen to your interjections with more focus because a conversation is one that is reciprocal now instead of one way you are talking with each other rather than to each other that difference of talking with instead of two is monumental I’m happy to say that the clients signed on for my services after consulting with a few other companies he told me the reason he chose sunny bee productions was because we understood him yeah those were his words it worked I understood him and he felt understood that was a huge lesson for me and I wanted to share it here today because it truly amazes me how simple a concept and solution it is to having those difficult uncomfortable conversations in business and also for those times in life when we find ourselves in social situations when we feel we have nothing of value to add to the conversation at hand you always have value to add when you ask people questions and let them answer people love to talk they love to share their stories they love to be understood and by simply leading the conversation toward those desires you walk away from that conversation richer for being someone who took an ordinary moment and turned it into a productive extraordinary moment the person will think you are the greatest conversationalist even though you only spoke for maybe a quarter of the time why because people love to talk and you allowed for the cultivation of that talk by asking interesting questions that led the conversation in a direction that suited you both so where do you start how do you know what questions to ask well if it’s the case of a business conversation I say the first thing you need to do is prep yes prep by jotting down questions you need answers to that will help you understand the potential client employee or even a direct supervisors needs but if it’s a social situation you’re not going to jot down potential questions to ask someone at a happy hour right you know gotta be like I’ll excuse me let me refer to my notes here no you obviously want this kind of conversation to flow and not so formalized a manner so prep some basic universal type questions in advance that you can turn to every time think about the things that people love to talk about people love to talk about their jobs their kids their pets their vacations and pop culture things like music television movies books just adjust the questions to the situation great questions are those that ignite that part of our brain to go into search mode and find answers a great question is like getting splashed by a glass of cold water it wakes a person up and gets her talking flapping her right into the present moment where real life is taking place and waiting for her to get on board when you ask someone an open-ended question you create an instant wave of engagement which takes the pressure off of you to talk about something interesting and allows you instead to listen and let them share their ideas instead and when they do reaffirm you heard her and take the opportunity to join the conversation with building upon their ideas the conversation will weave into one where you will likely learn something new that can help you further connect with this person simply closing your mouth and listening allows for that kind of flow in learning and sharing great conversations in life comes down to being a better listener than a speaker by asking questions and listening to answers it is as simple as that so the next time you find yourself in an awkward dip in conversation ask yourself what can I learn from this person sitting next to me take the focus off you and place it on her you will be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much you can learn when you simply close your mouth and open your ears hey friends thanks for spending time with me today first up I want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has showed their love and support of my newest novel release the pet boutique a romance novel that has lots of flirty innuendos a fun-loving albeit wacky at times family and a spirited dog makes sure that everyone adores her it is available on Kindle and Kindle unlimited as well as paperback I also want to thank all who have become patrons of my patreon page your support means a great deal to me for more information on joining me on this journey and gaining access to special rewards visit the link in the show notes also be sure to follow the lesbian talk show to keep up on the latest episodes so thanks for tuning in until next time go out there and continue to learn grow and embrace life’s curves

Sheena

Sheena is the founder of TheLesbianReview.com She has always loved interviewing people and chatting about interesting topics. Now she has started some podcasts which she hopes you enjoy.